memeng & co

2012-01-30T01:04:00.001+09:00

2012-01-28T22:52:00.001+09:00

Relaxing day
Although i woke up to house shaking due to earthquake
But the day was too beautiful to be wasted

So it is a productive day
Vacuumed, rearranging stuff even mopped the house

Went to Kaldi to find brownies mix
But they were out of it
Hampeh tol

Then decided to see J. edgar
Its Leonardo for god's sake
I have high opinion on him, none of his movies disappoint me yet
Not since titanic

But funny thing happened when i get back to tsukuba. I was short of 20 yen to get my bike.
So i asked a random stranger for money
And he gave it to me without even thinking

Ya Allah, semoga Kau balas kebaikannya itu

Little act of kindness goes a long way
I believe that
Bukan senang nak dapat hati yang bersih baik camtuh
Manusia senang utk jadi jahat dari jadi baik
Lagi senang nak cari kesalahan manusia lain dari menyedari kebaikannya
I hope God will blessed me with pure heart
Walaupun sikit

That guy really made my day

---

Currently reading this because the movie will be out next month

2012-01-26T18:55:00.001+09:00

Got meeting with sensei yesterday
Rindunya sensei
He is sooo busy nowadays
That all we can do is just staring at his empty desk
And curse at his schedule board

Anyway meeting goes well
He seems happy with my xps and antibody staining results
I told him its hard to find reference on this
And he said good, i think thats good, at least you know the mechanism already

Yeah..im diving in immunochemistry now
Im still learning though
All those vectronectin receptor, anti albumin and what not bring me back to my second semester in Umich
Prof Kim class actually
Good thing i aced that class, ada gak guna dalam hidup aku
Who knows one day i will cure cancer if im dwelling too much in this biomat thingy

Anyhoo
All the stuff for biochem is kept in the safebox
Y-sensei told me that the thing is not really toxic
But sometimes ago, some student tried to kill his prof
By putting the powder in water heater
And after that case the govt imposed those safelock regulation
Interesting bit though

So back to my meeting
Im actually hoping sensei will asked me to start writing
But none of that is happening
I already send my material for co-cr to the factory
That is my final and maybe novel contribution
*Cross fingers*

2012 has been kind to me lately
After doing nothinh for few weeks
I am back in business and i am glad
I am on my 10th month now
And sometimes i freaked out that i only left with 20 months more in this research
But sensei said he has confidence in me
So why shudnt i?
Life is treating me well and i think im doing ok so far
Meng now is on his writing break
He gave me some advice
And i really appreciate it
Hes like brother that i never have altho im obviously older than me

Anyway we have great presentation from holland guy
His presentation skill is beyond marvellous
I didnt know that i can do all that on my macbook pro
I need to go hardcore now

Im actually being incoherrent now
So thats my cue to sleep

2012-01-23T23:52:00.001+09:00

Snowing in Tsukuba
Ah, God have funny way to cheer me up
Baru je rasa berat otak sebab pikirkan experiment td
Tetiba keluar opis cantik je snow turun satu2

I love winter
I love snow even more
It always reminds me of my sweet memories in Ann Arbor
Where the snow is 20m deep
But i never complained the pile of white snow
First time i see snow in my life
I shared it with my friends from Purdue
Tgk snow jek, terus keluar buat snow angels
Pastuh order chinese food mkn ramai2 dlm bilik with opened window
I even took a bottle of coke and hide it under the window sill
Sekali beku plak

Snow is transient
So is all our problem
Satu-satu kena buat
Kena lalui
Then like the white snow
When the time is right
It will goes away

Cherished this moments
Because tak lama lg ini hanya kenangan

2012-01-22T14:47:00.001+09:00

what a wet weekend
A rushing one too

Dr S just gave me access to sterilization room at last minute
So i have to go to Namiki in the rain to put in my samples in the eog on Sat
But i am glad tho
Because thats mean i can do my experiments on Mon

Fuhhh cant believe Jan almost over
My schedule is fucking tight these few weeks
I hope i can start my phase two experiments in feb

Tgh prepare samples skarang nih

Monday need to do protein adhesion with gold colloid thingy
Need to view those under SEM
Then can proceed with other samples

After that need to do biotest one more time
Just to verified my last data
Working with live cells is tricky
But i am glad i have some trends

My XPS results is also awesome
I think i get some novel finding on those corr films
Cant wait to tell sensei about that

My target this month is to finished these experiment
And move on to the next one

I think next experiments also will give me interesting results

---

I feel bad for those who have to badmouthed others just to feel better about themselves
I pity my friend for being in that situation
What to do
Orang hati kotor dimana2

Itulaa aku cakap
Takyah nak kisah hal orang
We know ourselves the best
Kata2 orang takkan luak pun

I am glad that i have strong personality
If i am at his place,
Carut je laa
But thats it
Jangan nak terbawak2 and biar jadi virus dalam diri
Because there is no reason for us to doubt ourselves
And let others dictate our lives

---

Song of the weeks
You da one- rihanna
Kisah hati-alyah
Untukmu sayang- febians❤

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2012-01-17T22:26:00.001+09:00

Alhamdulillah
Sensei dah kasi borang utk extend kontrak
I am so happy

Dia suruh listkan achievement dlm borang
Told him, i didnt achieved much
Terus sensei motivate
Cakap u have done a lot
Now go sit down and list it all

Pikir2 balik
Betul gak
Dapatlaa 2 paragraph panjang
I am so proud of myself

Phase 1 experiment almost done
Tinggal nak abiskan xps ngan buat protein absorption test jek
Now trying to move on to phase 2
Bila buat timeline
Rasa panic attack plak bleh ke siap nih
Harap2 boleh

Cakap kat Y
Takutlaa xleh siap
"eh jangan ngada2 abiskan belajar tuh
Ingat, satu hari benda nih jd sejarah dlm hidup u
Kita lain cita-cita
Ini cita2 u
Susah itu sementara
Biasalaa stress tuh, nak dapat phd bukan senang
Tapi buat je,jgn give up
Kita sama2 doa k"

Lega sikit bila dpt nasihat mcm nih

Kadang2 bila stress nih
Terbayang je arwah hubby
I miss having conversation with him
Rindu nak komplen2 hal kecik2 kat dia
Rindu nak explain benda yg dia x paham sampai laa dia bleh paham
Rindu nak suruh dia derived equation
Rindu nak dengar dia bercerita
Rindu dia

Tadi AA call
Semata2 nak ngutuk aku and ajak ngumpat
Ciss tol
Tapi sayang btol dia kat aku hahaha
Siap nasihat mcm2
Pastuh ngumpat org kat opis
Lepas dia abis call
Aku rasa kelakar jek
Gila random kot
Org tak disangka2 take care kat kita
Tapi dia mmg macam big brother pun
Setiap tukar musim dia akan call
I feel loved

Ye laa
Bila fikir2
Banyak mana je org nak fikir pasal kita
Nak doakan kebaikan kita
Skarang ni mmg rasa tenang sangat
Sbb dah malas nak pikir pasal org
Lantak korang laaa nak kata apa
I dont need anyone approval
Takyah nak salahkan org lain atas keburukan diri sendiri
Hidup takkan sempurna pun
Diri sendiri ada guideline nak jadi apa masa depan
Nak ngomplen je ke
Nak take action
Org yg nak drama2 nih
And nak rasa bagus nih
aku boleh rasa kesian jek
Zaman dah berubah pon ko masih camtuh lagik
Masih nak harapkan recognition manusia lain

2012-01-14T23:32:00.001+09:00

Except to say, that i think the best thing that you could do

would be to try to live your life as if Emma was still here.

Dont you?

I dont know if I can.

Of course you can.

What do you think I've been doing for the past 10 years

---

and I cried

like a baby

because I wish I can too

I miss him

i fucking miss him

God knows how much it hurts

to live a live as if he was still here

when he is not

People said this will pass

but it doesnt fell that way

it feels like im just blocking him from my thought

and when it hits

it just fucking hurts

You will never know the pain of losing one that you love

when you are still in love

and i really hope that no one will endure this

I miss you, darling

and God

please give me strength

2012-01-12T20:48:00.001+09:00

Today was great
I was doing my XPS and AFM at the same time
Lama dah x pakai afm
Problem is, yg ngajar tuh pakcik dah tua
And he keep talking to me in Japanese
Tp sebab dia baik sangat terus x jadi nak bengang
Sedap2 buat experiment
Bergoyang plak tingkat 5 tuh
Sabar je laa
Pening jek
Kalau gempa kuat mesti kelakar sbb kena keluar pakai clean room attire
Dahlaa foundry tuh class 10 punya clean room
Kena pakai sarung kepala+mask
Havent mastered the skill yet
Sbb biolab aku class 100 so pakai topi jek
Tapi best experiment arinih
Paper worthy i hope

----

when i was in Jeju
I sit down and talk with this one Canadian guy while having our coffee on my last night in Jeju
The coffee was awesome by the way
This guy, Warren, spend almost a year travelling asia on his saved money
And he was in Jeju to complete the island on foot

We were talking random thing like about weather in Ann Arbor and people in Thailand when he suddenly said "actually you are the first Malaysian traveller i ever talk to"

I asked him why he spend so many days travelling and how he can afford that
And he told me
"because i have wasted my youth doing things i dont love and im trying to get it back. My perspective is different now. The world seems so sad nowadays. Maybe if i travelled earlier, i m sure i see the world differently So young lady, use your youth now and see the world and dont ever stop"

To that i answered
"wish me luck! I hope when i get old i have stories to tell my children"

Talking to stranger is easy for me
Because we dont know their past
And we know little about them
And there is no judgement between us
I guess maybe that is the reason i am so reclusive to most ppl
Because i dont want them to know me
And save them from mengumpat

---

X sabar muz nak dtg
X sabar nak jalan sebenarnya
Asik jalan jek
Surprisingly duit gaji last month x sentuh lagik
Hebat plak aku bulan nih
Nak cut off crap food sebenarnya
Berjaya gak
Cuma x berjaya nak cutoff lemon tea
That stuff is addictive

2012-01-10T18:12:00.000+09:00

super tired today
but im happy sbb settle few tasks

supposedly buat biotest
tapi sebab buat XPS pagi...so biotest pon kansel
mmg tak prepare pon sampel

sensei plak cakap next week buat protein adhesion test
kejap je dia cakap
maybe overnight
lepastuh letak antibiotik
then view under SEM

cantik perancangan tuhan
sebab supposedly semalam pergi settlekan sample
tapi dah terbangun tengah hari so tak jadi pergi lab

hari ahad tuh buat kejap
tapi tak abis sebab nak balik rumah
sbb nak facetime ngan RJ dekat KLIA

dah berlepas pun dia
semoga dipermudahkan laa
skang dah ada geng phd senang laa
takdela aku meroyan sengsorang pasnih

itinerary utk M pon dah siap
tinggal nak jalan jek

---

dah 10 hari dah masuk tahun baru
rasanya tahun paling busy laa nih
azam tahun nih
1. Nak jadi rajin - i am sooo lazy bum these few months..bangun pagi liat tol...tahun nih nak kasi berkat sikit gaji aku tuh cukup jam kerja
2. Nak jadi excellent - cepat2 dapat results, and cepat2 laa ada hasil kerja
3. More reading- rasanya tahun lepas 4-5 buku jek aku baca..this year should be more
4. Save money to travel - banyak impian tahun nih..harap2 jadi kenyataan
5. Be better person

2012-01-06T10:34:00.001+09:00

Dari Busan ambik flite to jeju
tak sampai sejam pun

dekat airport, confirmkan sewa kereta
and ambik van pegi tempat sewa kereta
kejap je process dia

siap dapat english gps and egg unit (untuk wifi dalam kereta..helpful giler)

Checked in hostel
tgk masa banyak lagi gi jeju loveland nih
Oklaa jugak walaupon sex-themed park
sebab dia punya arca tasteful

dari loveland..rehat kat hostel kejap

pastuh pergi ke sunrise festival dekat seongsan inchulbung

saja je kan

xdelaa crowded sangat

esok pagi terus jalan2 sekitar jeju

antaranya Manjunggul Lava Tube, waterfall, hado beach

overall trip nih murah laa

sbb tukar duit dalam 40000 yen jek

dalam Rm1600 boleh round seminggu

tuh pon dah siap shopping

kalau lepak seoul je mesti lagi murah

2012-01-05T11:39:00.001+09:00

Semalam on the way balik rumah terjumpa sensei
Tetiba dia cakap
"u r right, we have big earthquake on Jan 1st before you came back here."

Aku gelak jek...sbb arituh borak ngan sensei
Ckp kalau aku gi satu negara tuh, mesti ada benda buruk jadi
Tak sangka dia ingat plak

Happy je sensei tahun baru nih
Siap bagi cokelat hokkaido yg packaging comel gila

Happy new year sensei
Saya akan jadi lebih rajin tahun nih
InsyaAllah

----

Sambung balik trip korea

Dari Seoul ambik shinkansen ke Busan
3 jam perjalanan jek
duduk plak first class, seat best laaa
takdelaa mahal mana pun upgrade
janji selesa

Sampai Busan dah malam,
Nasib hostel ok sebab tepi laut
Tapi kedai makan dia bit pricey dari seoul
Sbb location kot

Day 4
Pergi Yoggungsa temple yang tepi laut
Lawa laaa sbb location best

Dari Yonggungsa temple tuh

gerak pergi city centre sebab nak gi Busan Tower

lawa laa view dia dari atas tuh

cuma tower area dia kecik jek tak macam KL Tower yg siap bleh letak restaurant lagi atas tuh

Busan nih port city

so memang nampaklaa busy giler and banyak gila tempat container

Balik dari Busan Tower memang rasa tak larat

so decided to go back to hostel

on the way back, saw an oriental massage parlor

apa lagi, terjah lah

murah kot reflexology dia

ingatkan urut atas kerus jek..sekali dia siap suruh tukar baju and masuk bilik baring

waaahhh heaven gile sbb urut atas heated tilam plak tuh

lepas urut, baru rasa refreshed

so lepak minum kopi and makan waffle tepi pantai

sambil tengok sunset

tak ramai mana pantai dia

tapi pasir lawa..macam TC plak

Day 5

Checked out hostel

nak carik money changer

tapi hari sabtu so bank tutup

tanya punya tanya..diorang suruh pergi Shanghai Street tukar

nasib jumpa

lepas tukar duit, pergi carik 40 steps plak

tapi tak jumpa plak bangunan busan station yang ori

dari 40 steps

ambik teksi gi Jalgachi market

kat sini

memula pilih dulu ikan kat pasar bawah

pastuh nanti dia tanya nak masak apa

pastuh gi makan ikan kita beli tuh dekat atas

ikan fresh gila...hidup2 lagi

tak sampai 10 minit dah kena ngap

lepas makan pergi airport sebab nak gi Jeju plak

Antara Busan ngan Seoul

aku prefer Seoul lagi

sebab banyak orang cantik dekat Seoul kot termasuklaa lelaki2 dia

2012-01-04T11:57:00.001+09:00

Just got back from korea two days ago
Trip is OK
Not so memorable
Sebenarnya planned this trip as leisure trip
Tapi ending dia jadi lain plak sbb terkejar2
Tak suka laa jalan jd tourist camnih
Rasa tak enjoy plak
Nak lepak tengok orang pun xde masa
Plus jalan dalam keadaan kesakitan perut
Dan pipi ulser sampai nak senyum pun takleh

and rasanya nih laa trip yang aku rasa tak sabar nak balik rumah
quite disappointed actually sbb baca blog/forum semua org happy jek
tapi Usu pun dah warning dah...cakap dont expect much
sbb dia pun rasa korea tak best hahaha

maybe sbb rasa orang2 dia rude
and maybe sebab crowded jugak sbb pergi tempat attraction jek

Day 1:
Pagi ada lab, siap lab je dah pukul 1230
rushing gila balik rumah nak mandi bagai sbb nak ke airport dalam pukul 1pm

Pergi naik flight Korean Air
naik A330, rasanya baru refurbished kot
sbb IFE dia cam best, touch screen (xdelaa touch sangat...better guna console jek)
and ada USB charging port
cuma slack, usb cable dah checked in so xleh nak try
seat pun OK sbb jenis sliding tuh
nasib dah order muslim meal, mula2 dia kata dapat masa balik je
sekali masa checked in dia reconfirm cakap dapat
Oklaa..cuma food dia sangat keindiaan pakai beras basmati lagi

Sampai2 terus naik airport rail ke area hostel dekat Hongik University
punyalaa jauh menapak
dengan tak print map nya lagi
sesat barat gak laaa
terpaksa jadi wifi hunter
nasib baik depan hostel ada gerai ddeokbokki
sedaaaappp!

Day 2:

pagi2 dah pergi DMZ

hmmm...biasa jek sebab tourist attraction

cuma rasa berbaloi naik tour sbb banyak tempat pitstop

tapi nak menghayati tuh takde laa sbb tour guide dah bagi masa sekejap jek nak ambik2 gambar

abis tour drop off dekat itaewon
international area
masjid seoul dekat sini
so jumpa laa kedai makan halal
tapi sayang, indon yang masak
so rasa dia sangat fail
even kimchi dia tak rasa peram...lebih ke rasa jeruk

dari Itaewon, pergi Myeongdong
kat sini OK
sbb Missha tengah sale gile2
BB cream yang biasa beli dalam 3000Y boleh dapat dalam 1000 yen jek
memang memborong laa

Day 3:

Pergi Nandaemun

serius tak suka tempat nih

org dia rude belaka

nak beli pun tak jadi sbb perangai diorang cam agak cibai sket

ala2 cina kat Petaling street plak

beli souvenir skit kat sini,

and imitation LV scarves sbb kain dia cam lawa

Lunch dekat Dongdaemun

rupa2nya Russian market

tapi sedap sangat makan sotong pedas, telur gulung dan ikan bakar dia

Then sambung ke Insadong

nak carik Starbucks yg tulis hangul

tapi souvenir dia tak best laa plak

benda yang aku nak takde

Dari Insadong, ambik teksi pergi Deoksugung palace

nak pergi tengok changing guard ceremony

patutnya start kol 3, ingatkan dah tak sempat tgk sbb perjalanan dalam teksi jam

bila ampai2 je org dah sibuk bergambar

tanya kat staff situ rupanya ada satu lagi session

terus happy

sempat laa tengok dari mula sampai habis

Lepas tuh pergi ke stream dia

lepak tengok orang kejap

lepas tuh blah gi Seoul station nak ambik train pegi Busan plak

2012-01-01T08:41:00.001+09:00

Happy new year!

Semoga tahun ini lebih baik dari sebelumnya

2010 has been kind to me so far
Got to do my phd in japan
And my phd supervisor is awesome
Life in Japan not that bad at all
And i feel much better

Love my life
And i am hoping for more great thing to come

Sent from my iPad

2011-12-22T18:02:00.002+09:00

Pergi group lunch tadi
kenyang giler weh
sebab tabehodai

sekarang diorang pilih tempat tabehodai sebab suma kuat makan
hahaha

masa tgh lunch duduk sebelah sensei
heheh baru nak cakap pergi korea next week
bleh sensei cakap "why you didnt tell me?"
gelak je laaa

pastuh dia suruh praktis pakai chopstick korea yg metal tuh
wajib bawak balik chopstik ngan sudu korea tuh

otak masih kat tsukuba lagik

semalam ada meeting
banyak laa benda discuss
lepas nih buat XPS ngan Ni-ion release
and protein adsorption test
barulaa ada nampak milestone
sensei suruh siapkan before JIM conference march nanti
dia pun suka tengok ada trend results aku so far
walaupun x menjadi sangat
but still ada lah

lepas nih kena repeat same experiment dua kali
sebab nak kena collect medium utk ion release

pastuh dia bagi selambak papers suruh baca and fahamkan
nak baca tuh xde masalah
nak carik kerajinan membaca tuh
ntah bila laa nak dapat mood

2011-12-19T23:04:00.000+09:00

Harinih ada lunch party with namiki clan
Suma pompuan except sorang pakcik tuh
Hehehe
Sedap weh set sushi dia nih

2011-12-15T01:10:00.001+09:00

Tadi bloghopping
Banyaklaa jumpa kisah2 travel
And byk laa jenis2 org travel nih

Pengalaman aku
Impian aku bukan nak penuhkan passport aku
Aku pilih tempat based on what i feel at that time

Mcm aku gi bangkok
Masa tuh hidup aku fucked up gila
Depression yang amat
That i made decision to pack my bag and go
I only sms my sister once i landed on the airport

Tapi cecah je suvarnabhumi
Rasa overwhelmed gila
Sebab masa tuh dok fikir naik bas, naik mrt, pergi hostel
Tetiba terasa mcm xde masalah

And lepas tuh bila jalan2 tengok org kat sana
Terasa kecilnya aku

Before tuh i keep repeating the same script in my head
My husband died,
Why nobody gives a damn!

Tapi bila sampai sana
Baru terasa keciknya masalah aku
Byk lagi org susah, walaupun ada anak, ada laki

Then aku balik, aku tenang kejap

Pastuh jadi balik fasa aku gila
Booked tickets to middle east
Kali nih takde sorang tau
Lantaklaaa, many called but nor once i answered

But i feel relieved
Sebab this time i leave my burden there
My sad stories
My skewed perception
My fucked up life

And from that moment
I know, i have it in me
Aku bleh survived walaupun campak aku ke mana2
Lepas tuh aku rasa hidup

---

Semalam ada party students
Ramai giler sbb banyak batch bulan 8 dah datang
Ada a few tegur aku sbb sama pergi interview
Tp aku x kenal pon
Hampeh gila

Today a good day
Walaupun last experiment x jadi
Tapi aku jumpa something new
Tapi belum bagitau sensei lagik

Sensei plak suruh gi conference
Abstract dah siap tapi dia x check lagik
Busy betul dia lately

Tapi sayang sangat sensei aku nih

We feel bad sebab nobody won in our group
Lepas tuh sensei cakap
I think dayang should win because she is so confident
Even if she dont know, she asnwered with full conviction

Waaahhhhh sensei just blew off my poker face
Lepas nih xleh dah bluffing ngan dia
Sbb he knows my trick already

Bulan nih penuh ngan party jek
December katantaa
Good thing is, in group party the food is getting better
Byk benda leh makan
Skarang monthly group lunch pun asyik gi buffet place
Sebab budak2 china tuh kuat makan, tak rugi bawak
Aku pun suka sbb banyak choice

Minggu depan party ngan team namiki plak
Pergi sushi plak tuh
Suka laaaa

---

Tetiba aku teringat kat cikgu Buddha aku
And my almost full mark essay on karuna

Compassion is central in islam
And certainly in buddha too
Even some famous christian teaching also focus on compassion

Tapi ramai kawan aku lately dlm fb
Yg aku yakin amal ibadat lagi hebat dari aku
But sadly lack of compassion

Kerja nak hukum org jek
Bagi aku, selagi tak kacau hak orang, tuhan je layak hukum
And kalau ko pun xde strength nak tegur orang tuh cara berhemah
Just shut ur fucking mouth

Kesian org camnih

Tak campur ngan jenis yang selfish lagik
Fikir diri sendiri jek
Provoking
Kaki menuduh
Itu ini

Apa yg aku mampu buat
Kesian je laa dekat org camnih
A friend told me
Kasihan je la org camnih
Sbb somewhere in their life, ada benda tak betul
And doa jelah yang Tuhan sayang dekat dia
Kita yang tengok, x mampu nak sentap
Boleh doa je lah dari jauh

Sebab nabi pun cakap
No one is truly believer, until he wishes for his brother what he wished for himself

And i wished for better

---

Every night i will pray to God
That one day i will be much better person than I am today
And i also prayed for my late husband
Because God is most compassionate

Dan Tuhan itu Maha Mendengar

Sent from my iPad

2011-12-11T13:47:00.001+09:00

semalam duduk lab kejap
ingatkan nak setelkan sample...
skali budak2 nih cakap mesin rosak

sabar je laaa

then ingatkan nak keluar shopping jap
tapi x jadi sebab teringat dah xde duit dah nih
duit cukup2 jek utk kena tolak bil2 semua
gaji pun lama lagi nak masuk nih
so ended up goreng ayam makan ngan nasik

sensei plak tetiba email mintak abstract
dahlaa due isnin nih
suka tau pakcik nih buat kerja camnih
bagus gak...at least duduk rumah telek2 result
carik idea nak buat abstract nih

lately byk benda jadi
bad things happened to my bestfriend
i feel bad sbb takleh nak tolong because i love her so much
and things happened when she was counting days to give birth
and the feeling of not being able to help make me feel weak
cuma dapat berdoa je laaa
because i have been to much worse place
and i hope she will get up and be a stonger person

Sometimes God test us with something impossible
just to see how we react to that
mungkin itu peluang untuk lihat diri sendiri
maybe we are too self absorbed, asyik fikir diri sendiri
maybe God will test us to see if we can empathy with others
manusia ni tak sama
ada orang rasa diri dia bahagia forever...sampai bila jadi something...baru nak tersentak
ada orang rasa diri dia je bagus, and others patut jadi cam dia sampai dia takde langsung rasa kesian dekat manusia lain
and the worst part is bila dah terjadi sesuatu pun masih tak berubah

oh well, who am i to judge others
yang boleh buat, paling sikit pun rasa kesian dekat diorang
sbb kasihan itu tanda kasih
dan harap2 kasihan itu jadi pengajaran kepada diri sendiri supaya tak jadi camtuh
i am not strong myself
but i am striving to be better person..step by step
semoga Allah permudahkan

Setiap kali kita mengkritik orang lain, kita telah menjatuhkan martabat kita.
Orang berjaya hanya fokus pada apa yang dia suka dan positif.
Mereka ignore manusia dan peristiwa negatif dan menggunakan tenaga ke arah tujuan hidup mereka.
Kita jangan mengharap pada orang lain untuk atasi masaalah kita.
Ambil tanggungjawab dan banyak berdoa.
hati manusia dalam genggaman Allah. Siapa yang Allah syang, manusia akan sayang.
Kalau isteri atau suami tak sayang bererti kemungkinan Allah tak sayang.
Ubah dunia dalaman untuk ubah dunia luaran kita.
Hormati privacy orang lain.
Kalau kita tak suka diganggu, manusia lain juga tidak suka diganggu.
-Prof Muhaya-

2011-12-09T16:43:00.001+09:00

dah finalized itinerary jalan hujung tahun nih
tadi dah beli train ticket..kira dah setel dah semua
tour dah book, kereta pun dah book
so kiranya sampai sana just bayar hostel, makan and shopping

trip kali nih mmg nak shopping ngan makan2 jek
dah print coupon missha, nak gi flagstore dia kat myeongdong tuh
sedap plak snail cream diorang tuh
and of course nak top up bb cream aku tuh
arituh mak beli lipstick missha pun sedap gak sbb x kering
and beli winter attire
nak carik winter boot gak
pastuh ada plak org suruh aku beli periuk kat sana...
mana nak angkut oi
(patutnya boleh jek sbb korean air bagi 20kg bag allowance)

tak sabarnya nak makan kat korea
ikan bakar dia..bibimbap (aaa rindu cafe korea kat ann arbor tuh...sedap siot bibimbap dia)
tteokbokki must try
and kena carik dragon beard gak....review have it that korean version is better

kat busan plan nak gi spaland dia
nasib baik book hostel dekat jek
plan asal nak duduk dekat city, tapi full
dah rezeki...mula2 terkilan gak sbb book hostel jauh
tapi rupa2nya mmg situ byk centre attraction gak

jeju je tak plan lagik sbb mmg nak gi sambut new years jek kat situ

---

travelling supposed to open your mind
make you more compassionate to others
but sometimes we are too comfortable with ourselves
making us oblivious to others

arituh baca status sorang kawan kat fb
cakap naik tren org2 nih busuk sbb istinjak pakai tisu jek
aiyoooo..this kind of thinking especially coming from org sama bangsa sama agama
kadang2 buat aku rasa sedih sangat
busuk2 diorang nih xde buang anak dalam tong sampah pun

so terimalah org lain seadanya
kalau diorang ada kekurangan..anggap je tuh sebagai pengajaran kepada diri sendiri
supaya jadi lebih baik

2011-12-06T15:47:00.001+09:00

just finished my year end presentation to evaluate my contract as researcher here
its goes well..xde gagap2 macam masa present depan sensei
and i managed to answer all the question (hopefully correctly)

dahlaa sebelum tuh ada minah jepun nih present
muka macam nak nangis sbb takleh jawap soalan
kepala tunduk jek

i noticed that about them
when they were asked hard question, they rather put their head down instead of saying i dont know
either its academician ego
or just japanese style

budak china plak
lain org tanya, lain org jawap

tapi ada benda kelakar terjadi laa
ada sorang prof nih tanya soalan kat student master sensei
budak master tuh xleh jawap plak

pastuh before turn aku, sensei tarik keluar dewan
pastuh tanya aku the same question..dia nak tau jawapan aku
hahahha
pastuh siap tambah2 lagi jawapan sambil gelak2 incase the prof asking me the same question
comel laaaa sensei

pasnih nak chow pergi namiki plak buat cell passaging
malam tadi sterilized medium, awal pagi dah pecut gi namiki keluarkan and letak dalam fridge
pastuh prepared for presentation

2011-12-02T10:00:00.000+09:00

Trip to Hakone, Lake Kawaguchi and Tokyo
Last weekend buat roadtrip pergi Hakone ngan Lake Kawaguchi
Semangat k nak tgk fuji-san
dahlaaa bawak kereta cc kecik
lagi nak berangan naik bukit bukau tuh
tapi success k

jem teruk gile dekat highway masa tuh
bayangkan 20km/hr jek
last2 tak tahan, berenti jugak dekat rest stop walaupun dia dah tulis full
tapi ada jer parking...tapi mmg full sebab ramai yg park kat tepi2 jalan dah masa tuh
aku je pemalas nak jugak masuk...nasib ada parking

keluar2 parking heran kejap apsal semua orang ambik gambar aku nih?
semua dok hala kamera ngan handphone ke arah i
rupa2nya masa keluar kereta awan tuh bergerak and fujisan nampak
nih first sighting aku on gunung fuji
masa nih dah terasa aura majestic gunung fuji tuh

sampai hakone, pergi balik guest house yang aku duduk dulu
tapi this time dapat room with view sungai mengalir belakang tuh
lawa gila

pastuh mak aku potong stim..suruh tutup tingkap sbb seram
terus terimagine ada org basuh2 rambut panjang dekat tepi sungai tuh
hampehhhhhh

Jalan2 dekat hakone sama je cam masa bawak elly arituh
cuma this time on the way nak ke kawaguchi terpandang ada highway nama Hakone Skyline
of course laa aku kena naik kannn walaupon kereta ala2 dah tekan minyak ke lantai pon tak gerak2 lagik
hehehe

tapi bila dah jalan tuh
lawa gila view diaaaa
memang skyline laaa sbb atas awan lagik

masa nih dah nampak fuji makin jelas dah :)

sepanjang perjalanan atas Hakone Skyline nih memang nampak fuji jek all the time

so worth it sangat

Yan pun seronok sebab banyak bikers test power atas tuh

polis pon banyak sbb banyak org speeding kot

finally sampai Lake Kawaguchi
memang clear sangat gunung Fuji nih
dah laa keluar2 hostel jek terus nampak fuji

kesimpulan puas hati jalan kali nih sebab
1. bawak parents, merasa gak diorang experience travelling in Japan by car..tengok camne sopannyaa pemandu dekat jepun nih..plus quality time spend with them is priceless!
2. gunung fuji laaaaa
3. satisfied craving aku nak ber-road trip

2011-12-01T23:07:00.001+09:00

Birthday Yan arinih

happy 59th birthday

tahun depan dah masuk 60

semoga panjang umur, murahhh rezeki selalu

2011-11-29T15:31:00.001+09:00

Yesterday was supposed to be his 31st birthday

but as fate has written

he will always remains in my memory as a 28 years old

My love,

although once upon a time you promised me that we will grow old together

we will be each other muse until we are all grayed out

but God have better plan for you

maybe one day, in Jannah

I will see you again

as that is the only one promise that will be fulfilled

(Happy birthday my dear)
Al-fatihah

Oh God, give me strength :(

2011-11-29T09:26:00.001+09:00

Jalan-jalan carik fuji

2011-11-25T17:47:00.001+09:00

rabu arituh my parents sampai kat narita
Heheh sampai2 jek terus kena bawak jalan gi narita temple
Ye laa aku pon x sampai lagi kat temple tuh k

Sampai tsukuba bawak diorang pegi Wonder Rex, ala2 kedai bundle
Ha kauuuu....seplastik besar mak aku beli baju
Yan plak dapat satu kasut branded mcm org x pakai lagik
Tu pun dia tgh usha beg utk motosikal dia
Tapi tgh fikir nak beli ke tak

Memang suka laa diorang

Arinih bawak gi Mount Tsukuba pastuh balik opis jap tunjuk muka dekat sensei hihuhu
Siap cakap dekat bebudak nih
Isnin i x masuk opis ye

Sebabnyaaa sensei pergi US sampai bulan depannn
Good timing sensei

Esok dah plan pergi Hakone-->kawaguchi
Sbb nak biar diorang tgk gunung fuji
Barulaaa feeling jalan Jepun kan

Nanti minggu depan baru pergi tokyo

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2011-11-20T21:39:00.001+09:00

so alkisahnya my parents decided to come here next week
Suka buat impromptu trip
Mengalahkan anaknya plak

Sebenarnya they want to come during CNY
Tetiba my auntie momoy xjd nak pegi..
So they decided to come to Japan early and during CNY they will bring my aunt to krabi

Tadi pergilaa wonder rex(2nd hand clothing)
Carik baju sejuk untuk diorang
Konpom menggigil nanti
Dah laa aku bagi arahan cakap xyah beli baju sejuk
Sbb dekat sini murah lagik
Memang murah pun

So planning a trip for them
Rasanya mmg kena bawak gi tgk fuji
Last time masa gi hakone, x dpt tgk fuji sbb cloudy
So harap2 dah nak winter nih weather improves

So sewa laa kereta untuk 10 hari
Sebab bapak aku tuh ok jek nak jalan2
Tapi mak aku tuh mmg rasanya x larat
Dahlaa tsukuba nih bukan ada tpt best pon
So senang laa nak bawak gi makan sushi ke shopping2 ke

Nasib baik masa diorang datang sensei on trip to US hehehe
Cuma isnin nih menggelupurlaa siapkan slide
And luckily rabu tuh mmg PH
So dapatlaa gi ambik kat epot kol 7 pagi

This gonna be first time sama2 kat oversea
Konpom terkejut tgk rumah aku yg just besar dapur kat bintulu tuh hahaha

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2011-11-17T16:43:00.001+09:00

just burn few holes in my pocket
yg nih another story

--

anyway
esok ada meeting ngan sensei
mesti dia rasa bersalah sebab dia nak gi US lama
pastuh anak2 ayam dia nih terkial2 (esp aku laaa)
dua tiga minggu nih xde progress
dengan experiments yg fail nya
(kinda fail sbb ada sample yang tertoxic)
lepas tuh nak repeat balik takleh plak sbb arituh gi Okinawa
minggu nih buat pre-seeding jek sbb aku masalah nak bajet letak cell sikit
minggu depan konpom menangis sebab pagi nak keluar pre-seeding punya multiwell
petang nak buat biotest + cell passaging
tuh pon cakap kat sensey Y yang aku kena jugak buat sebab
so harapnya start next week boleh busy balik

masalahnya parents plak nak datang
sbb duduk kat sarawak susah sket nak urus visa
so kena laa pakai agent
agent plak lama benor nak settle visa tuh
lepas dapat visa baru beli tiket
boleh makpak aku nih?

dahlaa EDM takleh pakai sebab maintenance sampai bulan depan
so maknanyaa i free laa sebulan nih
free yg xde makna sebab tiap2 hari rasa cam failure

jumpa mamat Oz tuh plak,
dia dok suruh aku belajar latex cepat2
tak sabar2 dia nak bagi aku macam2 package
pastuh tanya aku...have you started writing?
tersentap i kat situ

memang this few days rasa otak takleh jalan
nak berfikir pun malas
apatah lagi nak membaca

---

arinih meeting
good talk on quasicrystal
aku rasa Dr A tuh kelakar sangat and sangat knowledgable
sometimes bila dengar talk dari org yang hebat camnih
memang terasa down
dahlaa arituh baca article pasal erez lieberman
mamat nih ada 6 papers jek, but cited 2115 times so far
betapa hebatnya dia sampai dia kena reject grant offered to him

this kind of people is clever
and i am surrounded by this intimidatingly clever people like this
harap2 one day, i will be able to go out and be able to join these people (at least during coffee conversation)

patutlaa arituh baca in an article
having phd is about knowing your limitation
because the more you know, the more you dont know

which is true
around us, people with less education always claimed that they knew more about world that those who have degree
because they knew less
but so far what phd studentship means to me is
you are getting stupid and more stupid each day

2011-11-14T23:29:00.001+09:00

Im lacking focus
spending whole day looking busy
While all i did was rearranging my folder and printing stuff

I am lack of direction actually
I know what to do
But couldnt even see my sensei to talk bout my future works
Did mapping on my works
And that gave me rapid heart palpitation
Yeah, i freak out easily

I just need some nudges
I need sensei to give me some milestones to achieve
But sensei is super busythese days
And i dont have courage to see him
More like ashamed actually
Cause ive achieve nothing so far

Hmpppffff

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2011-11-12T10:52:00.001+09:00

Just some photo from my trip in okinawa

Shuriji castle

Churaumi aquarium. The dolphin is sp close you can pet them.

Makan a&w, lama gila x jumpa A&W. Me want mozza burger!

My first ever poster! And my first conference for my PhD

And of course i cant resist taking picture with this local kids!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011-11-12T00:53:00.001+09:00

sebenarnya nak bahagia senang je
Jangan peduli apa org kata
Fikir kebahagiaan diri sendiri dulu
Baru pikir pasal org lain

I judge people who judge
We never know what happened in other people life
Kita mengata org yang jd janda, mungkin dia dah bahagia lepas bercerai dengan laki penagih dadah and kaki pompuan
Kita mengata org x pandai baca quran, tetiba suatu hari dia dah jadi lecturer di Mekah dan sembahyang 5 waktu depan Kaabah mcm prof kamil tuh
Kita mengata org tak cantik, tetiba dia kawen dengan laki paling hensem dan gentleman
Kita mengata org xde anak, padahal dia bahagia hidup berdua dengan suami dia
Kita mengata org x kawen lagi, padahal dia live their live their fullest and travel to more places than you can imagine

Dont judge
Diri sendiri x sempurna
Masa yg kita guna utk sakit hati dekat org, lebih baik guna untuk betulkan diri sendiri

Org yang banyak nak pikir pasal org lain sebenarnya x tenteram dengan diri sendiri
Nak sakit hati lebih2 dekat org lain kenapa
Bukan dapat buat apa2 pun
Kalau diri sendiri tak sempurna, ilmu tak cukup
Tak payahlaa nak perbetulkan org lain

Kadang-kadang rasa kesian kat org camnih
Bila hati dah busuk nak mengata org je
Dia sebenarnya dah rugi nikmat hidup yang tenang
Ye, kadang2 hidup byk masalah
Tapi org camnih, instead of selesaikan masalah dia,
Dia pergi kacau org lain plak

Dosa ngan Tuhan, kita boleh bertaubat...InsyaAllah Tuhan akan bagi jalan sebab tuhan itu Maha Mengasihani
Tapi dosa kita dekat manusia lain, camne plak?

Im not the best person to talk about religion
But i have my faith
I have gone through a lot in my life
And sometimes i get angry at God for that
But two years ahead, i am a little bit happy with where I am now
Because i have faith in Him
And i believe He also have faith in me to continue my life the way it He intended it to be

Should i blamed all my fate to others
Mesti takkan tenang sampai sekarang
Forgive and forget
One by one
One at the time

We are sinner
Takde manusia maksum dalam dunia nih
Sbb tuh tuhan tak bagi kita riak dalam hidup nih
And sebab tuh tuhan sentiasa bagi peluang untuk tebus doa
Anytime, anywhere
So jangan sebab silap org yang sikit, kita nak kondem macam dia berdosa seumur hidup

There is this doctor
One day, theres this girl coming into the ward to give birth
Bila tgk2 chart, budak tuh dari sekolah juvana
Mengandung anak kuar nikah
Hati dia dah rasa x best, mungkin rasa jijik dekat budak nih
Tapi bila masuk labor room, budak yang x ambik spm tuh tenang berzikir sepanjang masa sampailah baby dia keluar
Terus dr tuh rasa bersalah sbb prejudice dekat budak tuh
Lepas labor, dr tuh minta maaf dekat budak tuh disebabkan dia berprasangka
Terus dia x amanah kat kerja dia sbb x bagi yang terbaik dekat budak tuh

Dont judge others
Be happy for others
Jangan nak mendengki
Rezeki org lain2

I am happy for me
Banyak lagi nak kena perbetulkan
Banyak lagi masalah nak fikir
But at least i know myself better now
I am happy
And i will get through everything
No matter how hard life will be

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2011-11-11T12:14:00.001+09:00

baru balik dari okinawa
good trip
my first domestic flight in Japan
naik 747, full flight k
mesti sebab semua nak pergi conference

I was in the poster session
it was huge!
the whole convention center is filled with poster while the oral presentation was held at other venues
mula2 pergi tgk sensei present dulu
He presented in Japanese, rasa pelik plak sbb jarang dengar dia cakap jepun
then after his presentation, pergi jaga poster plak
sakit kaki gak laa..dua jam berdiri tepi poster answering question from passerby
kiri kanan budak2 jepun dengan poster dalam jepun

but it was a good experience
my first conference for my PhD works
rasa cam kagum gak, baru 7 bulan dah ada results
walaupun results ciput jek

Now the second half of my first years has started
kena kerja keras lagi nih
next part nak tgk effect of grain refinement plak
minggu depan ada phd defense budak iran nih
nak try tgk laa..dua jam je defense dia
i think he did good, memang banyak gila high impact papers dia
tapi sensei dia garang hehehe

pergi okinawa memang jalan sakan laa
buat road trip pergi Churaumi aquarium
dari Naha pergi Churaumi tuh dalam 2 jam jugak lah
on the way to the aquarium, singgah Cape Manzamo
memang lawa laaa...siap tgk ada orang main banana boat sampai tengah laut
kalau tau awal, bleh join sbb puas hati kot naik banana boat sampai tengah laut

then singgah plak ryukyumura, mcm kampung orang okinawa lama2
siap ada tukang jahit, tukang main muzik, kerbau perah tebu
enjoy gak...walaupun kecik
memang shopping omiyage dalam tuh

pastuh baru continue journey pergi churaumi aquarium
perghhhh best gila
memang impressive laa aquarium dia muat 3 ekor jerung besar
dengan berpuluh2 ikan pari
beberapa jam jugaklaa duduk dalam tuh just tgk ikan pusing2
pastuh pergi tgk dolphin show plak
terer ok dolphin2 dia
terfikir plak camne laa diorang ni latih ikan2 dolphin nih just by using whistle
susah kot

balik tuh pakai highway
singgah makan kat A&W
fish burger, curly fries, onion rings, chips, and of course root beer float
rasa pelik kejap sbb jarang jumpa A&W kat jepun nih,
tapi kat okinawa melambak
mesti sebab orang american suka
melagha sat dekat tempat makan, tgk2 dah pukul 5
hahaha flightnya pukul 7
nasib baik naik highway balik...sempatlaa kejar
masuk Naha city, jem laa pulek
masa nih dah fikir kalau x sempat pasrah je laa...balik laa esok dengan bebudak nih
last2 sampai airport kol 620 camtuh
takyah lari2 pun hehehe

kira ok laa trip nih
memang rasanya xde dah jejak pergi okinawa lepas nih

2011-11-03T13:13:00.002+09:00

got massive headache last nite
balik namiki, terus baring...tertidur sampai kol 7
bangun2 baca emel sensei nak tgk final draft poster by 20:00
of coz laa x sempat kan sbb aku dah pengsan
bukak email pon keep seeing the words jumping out from the monitor

by 10pm dah start crashing balik
after self medicating myself with caffox, ponstan and finally pcm 2 ketul
sementara nak tunggu denyut2 hilang
terfikirlaa kejap
indahnya kalau ada heimy time nih
boleh tolong urut2 kepala
or at least buat bubur untuk aku
startlah melankolik disitu

last week i dreamt of him few times
semua indah
he looks fine, he still himself
and not one dream of him shows him suffer of whatever
to wake up after those beautiful dreams relieve some of the dark places in my heart

which makes me think, i think he is OK
and doing fine in wherever he is
in fact now i think he is lucky to left this world at early age
walaupun sakit ditinggalkan itu aku sorang yang tanggung
but i am happy for him
he is one step closer of seeing God
and i believe God is full of mercy
aku je laa kena jaga diri sendiri skarang nih

mungkin Tuhan juga tahu
kalau aku yang pergi dulu
he will not be as strong as i am

I love him, for better for worse
but he is no longer a dark cloud above my heads
day by day, i tried to accept the fact
that i am surviving him
and this is the best for me

Al-fatihah my dear

2011-10-30T22:22:00.001+09:00

finished reading steve jobs autobiography
Things i learned:
You have to have passion in thing you love. Do not be a mediocre.
Its ok to be a rebel.
Jobs is temperamental. But i think anyone in his position is. You need to be jahat to get what you one, but in Jobs case he is a bit too much.
Steve Wozniak is my hero. He lives up to his "Engineer first" motto.
Do what you think is best, even if everyone is against you.
Most people will hate you, but those who understand you will stay with you till the end.

I am reevaluating myself while im reading the book.
Most of the time, i settle with what i have although i know its not right.
Fighting for yourself is exhausting, sometimes its take toll on yourself
People despise you, they label you
But actually that should not bother us at all
Apa nak dicari keredhaan manusia lain, padahal diri sendiri lebih penting
I know i got it inside of me, but sometimes others people opinion polarized itself on me
I have to fight hard to get out of that

I am here now
Testament of my own mini personal achievement
Still have a long way to go but i have my own plan
Banyak lg benda nak capai dalam hidup nih

I dont want to settle
I want to be the best
I have my own benchmark of what i want to achieve in my life
Its not big, but i know what i want
I am 28 years old already
I have plan and im gonna act on it.
One at a time.

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2011-10-27T21:00:00.001+09:00

experiment tak berapa nak jadi
result takleh pakai untuk poster
so pakai result lama je lah dulu

doing experiment with live cells is challenging
at least kalau buat corrosion test ke coating ke, the variable is easily controlled
kalau tak jadi...adalah silap pasang ke, or salah calculation ke
nih buat ngan cell nih, hmmmm
for a starter, katalaa nak seeding 60 cells/1ml
we never knew if the solution really have 60 cells
sebab we just did the calculation based on the what we saw in the hemocytometer
so kira assumption je laaa
and the technique is important to
ambik tengah,titik atas, pipetting
hmmmm

i think my calculation is right
but my technique is still not there
jumpa sensei Y, aku cakap aku x konsisten lagi
passaging pun kejap naik kejap turun
dan2 kena lecture
You have to bring yourself up to there
no doubt, you calculation is good
but you need to improve your technique

to be fair, this is my second cytotest
and first time without sensei watching
and I failed miserably

sabar je lah

balik namiki jumpa sensei T plak
aku cakap result ni takleh pakai sbb i think i put twice as much cells
dia cakap kenapa
aku plak bleh cakap "it's hard :("
sensei senyum jek...aiyooooo sabar je laa aku

sebenarnya kena siapkan jugak asap
sebab presentation in Dec
result pun ada tak banyak nih
kena start second phase punya experiment lagik
reading pun dah slow skang
bila laa nak rajin

2011-10-25T13:58:00.000+09:00

No man can be called friendless who has God and the companionship of good books. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

i spent another 100 dollar in amazon.com
they are selling Jobs biography for just $17, with pre-order delivery plak tuh
alang2 dah merempan nak order
beli terus buku2 lain
some of the title is not in japan yet so mmg patut beli
but actually it is not that expensive
even with expedited shipping, i still get 7 books for the price of 4 books in amazon.jp
worth it

buying books in addictive, isnt it
kalau boleh satu gudang amazon tuh aku nak borong
when I was in Ann Arbor, i always went to Borders in State Street and used book store next to it
sitting on the floor, hours by hours
trying to made up my mind, which one of these millions book should i choose to bring home

in the end, I went back to Malaysia with three huge box filled with books

When I was back in Malaysia, I can't afford to buy books so much
but I make resolution, at least one book per month
masa nih baru nak pergi library
pinjamla kat situ
but usually the title in library lambat sket
so ada buku lama2 jek

Takpelaa, azam kumpul buku banyak2 sini
at least boleh bawak balik in the end of my study
balik Malaysia boleh derma kat mana2 kalau dah taknak
or I just keep it for my childrens

2011-10-24T08:30:00.002+09:00

Kadang2 bila rajin aku suka dengar Prof Muhaya tuh

sebab aku rasa, whatever that she preached is exactly what I always feel

kalau dengar part caller tuh lagiklaaa

best je dengar caller kena sentap haha

ada satu caller tuh, cakap mata dia ada float

prof muhaya sentap dia

"kenapa nak risau satu titik float yang kejap ada kejap takde tuh...

kenapa tak bersyukur sebab boleh tengok seluas2 alam"

Sangat betul ok

Kadang2 kita nih terlalu nak fikir hal yang sangat remeh temeh

sampai tak nampak the whole picture

masalah ko la paling besar kat seluruh alam nih

ko tak dengar lagi masalah orang lain

ada one part tuh psl org negatif

org kita ni suka betul nak berkawan dengan org yang negative

sanggup bermuka-muka, walaupun tak suka orang tuh

konon-konon tak baik putuskan silaturrahim

Prof Muhaya cakap delete jek orang camnih

and ini memang aku buat dari dulu pon

sampai ada orang cakap tak baik ko nih tak bertegur orang tuh

for me, better aku tak kawan and tak tau apa2 pasal orang tuh

daripada aku kawan ngan dia and end up mengumpat, mengutuk dia sbb aku tak suka dia

better aku ada kawan dua tiga orang jek tapi tak rasa sakit hati
eh hati rasa tenang sangat kalau tak mengumpat, mengutuk orang
trust me

and i think that is what helped me go through his death

Tuhan bagi aku kawan yang baik2 jek

and pertemukan aku dengan orang yang baik2

pernah sekali someone told me

"kesian ko takde anak kan?"

dalam hati aku rasa nak cakap jek

"aku lagi kesian kat anak ko dapat mak cam ko"

and from that immediate moment terus aku tak tegur sampai ke hari nih

except for professional matter

lantak laaa

i dont need your sympathy, i am a women of my own

and i dont need your judgement, you are not God

---

i believe in doing best in everything that u did
maybe laa aku nih tahap pemalas agak tinggi
but i make sure that each day i did something to improve myself
walaupun benda tu kecik jek
contoh masa cell culture
i already now the sequence
but that little thing, contohnya pipetting everytime you want to transfer the cell
benda tuh came from experience
and i am lucky sebab akak RA tuh sanggup tengok cara aku buat
and told me i shud pipetted more BECAUSE the cell are more dense and they are likely to settle at the bottom of the tube
things like this came from experience
setiap benda yg kita nak buat, kena tau why we did it
and that is how I learn and become better with time
things that are so little, tapi sebenarnya impaknya besar

---

Two more weeks lagi nak pegi Okinawa
tak sabar
bebudak china tuh dah bagi link hotel
ok, memang best
ada dua pools, indoor and outdoor
bolehlaaa lepak2 berenang nanti
dah plan nak pegi Okinawa Churaumi Aquarium
ntah jadi ke tak
two hours drive from the hotel
dahlaa presentation semua orang on first day
lagilaa boleh enjoy sakan
yang kelakarnya orang lain suma abstract title in japanese
aku sorang je in English
masalahnya poster pun tak siap2 lagi nih
ntah nak letak result mana satu nih...risau plak aku

---

tadi baca kat mana ntah
Sabar tu maknanya move on and take action
bukannya diam dan tidak berbuat apa2

2011-10-22T21:39:00.002+09:00

sejak balik malaysia mmg berat statik jek

nasib baik balik dari malaysia arituh berat tak naik

and tak turun gak

now need to start diet again

susah gak nak restart diet nih

dulu rileks jek turunkan 30kg

now if only i can did it again

tapi arinih masak ayam panggang

sedap plak aku masak tuh

pastuh makan ngan nasik...lagi bertambah sedap T__T

dah kenyang, baring2 tgk movie pastuh tertido

manalaaa tak gemuk dayang oiii

anyway need to start balik diet

dua tiga hari dah berjaya tak makan malam

tapiiiiii

weekend fail

huhuhu

apsal laa susah sangat nih

2011-10-18T22:14:00.001+09:00

Setel buat medium utk 5 week cell passage
Esok nak setel biotest
36 sample sekaligus k!

Aku suka gi namiki
Sbb bau cam hospital esp floor aku tuh
Yelah kata everything sterilized
Pastuh group metallic biomaterial plak semua pompuan
Masuk cleanroom pun tenang je rasa
Sbb sorang2 je dalam tuh
Yang leceh kalau dah pakai cleansuit tuh laa
Esp kalau dah masuk, airshower bagai
Sekali tertinggal barang
Kena laa bukak baju, keluar ambik barang, pakai baju, airshower, sterilized balik
Penat makkk

Masa pagi sensei takde
Abis setup medium tgk2 sensei dah ada
Sensei nih concern sket
Sbb perempuan kot
Dok ulang2 cakap jangan risau pasal data aku tuh...
Sbb semua data tuh ada maksud
You shud own the data

Ntahlaaa
Kadang2 rasa wonder gak
Proposal aku yg aku buat ala kadar tuh
Tetiba jadi main topic phd aku
Still rasa cam eh betul ke nih

Tapi bagus gak
Byk aku belajar kat sini
Aku suka je deformation tuh
Sbb bagi aku microstructure still no 1
To be able to see twins, precipitate, nanocrystalline even just regular grain makes my heart skips

Tapi skarang coupled ngan biomaterial lagi aku sukaaa
Sbb masa study dulu, ingat lagi subject nih prof kim ajar
Org korea
Dia ajar masuk sangat
Masa study biomaterial nih laaa aku rasa i can survive in this major

Skarang rutin dah established skit
Pagi masuk lab
Petang relax, tgk series...kat us kan dah fall all the good tv is backkkk
Before tidur baca journal
At least bila aku baca i have something to think about
Dah dpt rentak kot
Yelah dah 6 bulan kan
Xdelaa rasa blur sangat kan
And setakat nih xdelah rasa tersepit lagik
Dua2 sensei pun so far suka tgk results aku
Hopefully mudah lah jalan hidup aku nih

Cuma kadang2 kena sit down and pikir balik
Hadaplaaa graph2 tuh sampai tembus
Read, read, read
Buat critical notes
Even short one
Keep on thinking
At the same time have some personal time
Be positive,

Sent from my iPad

2011-10-17T16:54:00.001+09:00

masih teringat2 mimpi arituh

ntah kenapa

dont get me wrong

i am actually really happy to see him again

even if its just in a dream

and it was a beautiful dream indeed

he was happy

i was happy

and the feeling in indescribable

we were so in love in those dream

just like we always are

all the thing he did in those dream

is exactly what he always did before

rindunya kat dia

sangat rindu

but i've made my mind that I should let him go

and live my life

because he will never come back

maybe it is a sign from God

that he is OK

and I should be OK too

sweet memory should be kept forever

although i didnt have any of his memento here

because i know that i am not that strong to even look at his picture

but he is always in my heart

will always be

2011-10-16T10:55:00.001+09:00

I dreamt of him this morning
It was short but i can feel him
He just got back from offshore after a long time
And we went to this weird hotel with non functional lift
We talked and eat just like we always did before

But i was married to someone else my dream.

My dream was cut short by phone call

I am shocked
Because i havent dream of him for a long time
But this time the feeling between us is so intense
I almost did not realised i am awake when i picked up the phone

I relieved tho
He looks like his usual self in the dream
I miss him

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011-10-11T22:10:00.001+09:00

Harini setel buat enzyme
Lama gak melanguk dekat namiki sbb autoclave machine lembap
Sterilized 30 minit, heating up and down masuk sejam setengah
Setel sterilized, masuk clean room plak buat enzyme
Pastuh bleh plak tertinggal kad, terpaksa carik koyama-san soh unlock pintu

Esok buat cell passage
Patutnya buat cyto test tp kan sensei soh tangguh
Tapi pagi td sensei y suruh proceed plak
Dia plak yg susah payah carik reference utk aku
So its ok to proceed dia cakap
Tapi kira up balik laaa semangat aku

Balik sengen kol 4
Check2 sample, tetiba sample aku mcm etched plak
Hampeeeehhhhh
Nampak dah segala mstructure aku
Pikir2 balik mesti sbb diamond suspension nih
So kena pikir plak cara nak unetched sample aku tuh

Pasnih kena setel semua sample aku nih
Check balik satu2 mana yg dah teretched tuh
Risau gak...sbb surface energy tinggi
Bleh effect results tuh

---

Tadi fikir2
Memang semua benda yg tuhan buat tuh ada sebabnya kan
Kadang2 aku rasa sedih
Apsal laa semua benda jadi kat aku?
Kena keep on being positive kot
Mungkin tuhan nak bagi aku nih jadi sekuat2 manusia
Mungkin tuhan nak bagi aku pengalaman yang orang lain takde
Mungkin tuhan nak bagi aku jadi lebih baik dari orang lain
Mungkin hanya dengan cara nih je aku akan sentiasa ingat tuhan

We will never knew the mystery of God's work

Cuma kena sentiasa yakin je dengan perancangan tuhan

---

Sometimes i would imagine

What it feels like to have him here
To go back from lab, exhausted
And have him opened the door for me
And every night before we go to sleep
We would talk as long as we can
And whenever i have any problem, he will listen
And give me ideas on how to take days by days

But it will never happened
And i just have to redha

And maybe

Going back to home, with no one to be there for me
And going to sleep without any talking
Or having to solve problems on my own
And be alone every fucking night

Is the best thing for me now

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-10-10T23:24:00.001+09:00

Migraine satu hari
Sampai muntah2
Gara2 tidur lambat sbb pening fikir pasal kerja nih
Pastuh pagi terbangun awal sbb ada delivery
Since exp cancel x jadilaa gi lab time cuti nih
Nasib dah top up ubat migraine masa balik malaysia dulu
Kalau x sakit gak

Im getting old i guess
Dah xleh tidur lambat
Dulu time malam laaa paling tenang nak buat writing
Sbb sejuk dan senyap
Tp sini xyh tunggu malam dah sejuk dah
Cum part senyap tuh kena usaha skit nak carik
Tp dua tig hari nih mmg x bukak tv
Bukak pon tgk nat geo
Ilmiah sgt aku nih

But at least i finished one more book
That is why i ordered three more which arrived this morning
Sini buku kira murah, sama macam kat us dulu
Bila balik malaysia susah laa nak beli buku2 suka hati camnih
Oh tp kat mesia pon byk lagi buku x abis baca

One book psl brain surgeon yg dapat stroke dekat otak dia plak tuh
Another one is putlizer price winner
Satu lagi psl cell
Great, even masa leisure pon nak baca pasal cell

Anyway kena keep on reading jugak
Sbb lately rasa otak tak bekerja
Asik buat manual works jek
Need to train the brain to keep active
Pastuh asik layan fb jek
Terasa makin jatuh iq i

Minggu ni kena settle kerja
Rasanya kena masuk workshop balik nih
Sample dah abis
Tp paling x suka laa buat machining

Pastuh kena redo plot sbb sensei cakap figure x lawa
Sedeh tol
Poster pon tak buat lagi
Ingat nak pakai latex jek
Tp mcm x sempat je nak belajar

Haihss bila laa nak abis pemalas aku nih

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

2011-10-08T23:04:00.001+09:00

Had meeting with both sensei yesterday
It was a good meeting
But the outcome left me a bit frustrated
Suffice to say, i am back at square one
Prof t want me to settle my problem with amorphous surface of my as is sample
Which is kinda hard because i have done the work
And the results is not that great
And he want me to postponed my biotest
Until i resolved the problem

I was kinda bummed with it
So i went to talk to meng about it
Just need to vent out my frustration
And of course, he is being the best phd buddy i'll ever need
Listened to me
And said all the right word that i need to hear

"just do what he said, he knows best
He may not be right, but he is not wrong"

That alone left me thinking for the whole night

I know i can do this
It is just that after i did all my works
I am overwhelmed with all the works
And i just couldnt think straight

Muz told me that i am being a perfectionist
While rj keep telling me that i am just being me
A person who want to solve everything right here right now
Maybe i need to slow down
And figure our things one by one
I know i had it in me
Its just that i want to do the biotest so badly

I was telling dr y about my results
She also told me that i am not wrong
That i have to own my result
And be proud of it

I dunno
I am still finding my rythmn
I need to work harder

-----

Right word at the right time
This give me assurance that it is ok to miss him

Because never a second passed by
Without me thinking about him

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-10-06T22:54:00.001+09:00

Ngantuk dah
But need to jot down in case i need to refer back

1. Have 2 more samples to polish. Oh wait, actually 2 samples to be polished and another 30 or more to be repolished. Gila kerja aku nih...silap estimate working time.

2. I should start my writing. I NEED to start my writing. Rasanya dah lupa dah apa yg baca2 dulu. And i still NEED to learn latex. Jeles tgk thesis org yg cantik tuh.

3. Meeting tomorrow with two senseis. Hope to find my direction. Rasanya mmg kekal this topic and not sure bout co-cr yet. Sensei tak dapat lagi material. Nih pun rasa nak mati. But to work on refining cocr will be such a great feat though. Sayang kalau aku x buat.

4. Auger, xps, microstructure, afm?, apalagi aku nak buat nih

5. Am i on the right track? Tuhan luruskanlah jalanku ini.

6. Reading, reading reading

7. This time i need to do my exp methodologically correct. Hopefully, result lebih cantik from prelim

8. Finished two books this week. Three more books to go before i can order new one. Itchy though, byk nak baca nih. Oh i need to built my wishlist, sayang kalau lupa. Ebooks just doesnt agree with me. I need the smell and feel of those papers to enjoy my reading. Next book is room. Dah sneak peek, tp cant continue :(. Tak jadi kerja kang

9. Jadi yang terbaik. Kena bagi usaha yang terbaik. I deserved this. But i need to show them that i am worthy. Keep slacking off wont do me any good. Need to keep thinking and reading and start writing. Hari ni kena lebih baik dari semalam, that is my promise to myself.

10. I bought pore minimizer out of compulsion. Lets see if that thing works.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-10-03T12:47:00.003+09:00

arinih baru rasa ok sket

sinus cleared up, baru rasa leh bernafas

makan pun dah x muntah dah..

flu+period memang extra lembik

tadi pagi dah gi lab

setup meeting dua2 sensei

sekali sensei bukak schedule dia

semua color ada...kesian pun ada

busy tol dia

tiba2 dah oktober kan

kejap je masa berlalu

officially dah 6 bulan dah phd aku nih

tapi result ala2 ada tak ada jek

minggu nih masuk mode overdrive

sbb kena jugak repeat experiment next week

next month dah kena pegi conference kat okinawa tuh

tapi tak siap satu hapah pun nih

camne laaa aku nih

susah tol nak buat kerja sistematik

takpe...boleh kot

bak kata muz

still 30 months to go

2011-09-30T19:56:00.002+09:00

Alhamdulillah
End of repayment yo!

Lega lega!

dua hari ni kena flu plak
Nyampah tol
I can handle fever
Tp runny nose mmg leceh
Nak tido xleh
Dah ambik ubat, tau jelaa ubat flu memang buat weng
tidur pun rasa terawang2 jek
tadi tidur pun rasa badan dah angkat...dua tiga kali
tapi rupa2nya mimpi jek
pastuh bangun jek terus sms bebudak china tuh
say sorry sbb xleh nak join sesi karaoke diorang
diorang nak celebrate birthday budak sorang nih
meng msg balik..cakap take care, im disappointed

hujung tahun nih meng balik china
dia dah kawen secara civil
tapi now nak balik
nak buat upacara kawen dia properly
cukup duitla tuh kot
rasa cam nak pergi
tapi kampung dia bukan dekat beijing nun...
sampai beijing kena naik bas 5-6 jam lagik

minggu depan kena set meeting dua2 sensei lagik
dah laa dua2 busy
sabar je lah
rabu tuh akak ra tuh dah puji cakap teknik aku bagus
sbb count cells aku betul
before nih cell aku melambak sbb buat kerja nak cepat2
kena ingat to pipetting pipetting pipetting all the time

8 samples need to hpt->polished
pastuh redo biotest
pastuh buat electropolished lagik
redo biotest lagik
tgk ada beza tak

bulan depan kena settle poster plak
banyak tol kerja

apa2 pun kena nurse myself back to normal
nyesal tak bawak piriton ngan clarinase balik
camne leh lupa refill ubat2 tuh

2011-09-28T08:45:00.001+09:00

i am up early today
breakfast with neslo and half boiled egg
ye laa since bawak white pepper from home
boleh laa feeling2 makan half boiled egg

went to sleep early last nite
the nite before...i couldnt sleep so took the sleeping pills
i love the sleeping pills except it intensifies my dream
nasib malam semalam takde mimpi

anyway
have full day ahead
arinih kena buat cell passage
plan two weeks from now nak buat biotest lagik

semalam baca status ust zaharudin
love your job barulah terbit ikhlas
it makes me think
sbb baru a day before that i was in heated arguments about retirement
i told my fb group that i at the moment doesnt want to retired
because i love my job
i just hope that by the time i am retired i will be able to reach financial freedom
means, no debt at all

Bukan apa, we malay always have the wrong mentality
Takut bersara lambat sbb masa tua nak main ngan cucu nak buat amal ibadat
My dad is a retiree, but he still works his ass off
Dah gi haji dua kali, my mom pon
Quoting my dad, takkan dah tua lembik baru nak gi haji
Patutnya muda2 laa gi haji
Loving ur job is ibadah jugak
Kalau umur baru 30 dah nak bangkang2 retirement age
Whats that tell about you?

settling my mara debt, and my cc debt give me a breather
lega kan
and with no car in tow mmg lega sangat
yg tinggal all the good debts yg mmg xleh bayar lumpsum pon
lega laa sket
compared to when i am in kuantan
ye lah, i dunno how msian does it
aku rasa the only way to live comfortably
is either by having big salary
or by having a partner
tu jek
even singles like me pon merely survived on my pay
but i am a big spender anyway
i couldnt live without my facial, my big cup of latte
or my foot massage
or my night out at good eating spot

but at least for now i am good

2011-09-27T18:53:00.000+09:00

i am back
have a relaxing day back home
sampai2 hari jumaat...ada leftover mak buat open house
uuu my mom kari mmg the best laaa
steamboat lagik

esoknya auntie mary buat bakchang
lagilaa faveret
semangat auntie mary nak jumpa aku smp xnak balik dulu
hehehe

tapi balik seminggu pun
skarang nih back to reality
kena settlekan kerja2 tertangguh
but at least now my mind is empty
going back make me realized that i am fine
anywhere i go, i'll be fine
you cant outrun your problem
but instead you need the courage to face it up
and perhaps ada rezeki settle it

hidup sekarang lebih tenang sebenarnya
i just need to let go
itu je
my problem is i dunno how
kena terus pandang depan
i have everything i need
masalah emosi nih kena manage betul2
kalau tak, mesti makan diri
and that is what i learnt
apa nak jadi masa depan, it will happens
tapi for now..usaha je ke arah tuh
be positive
setiap org ada baik buruk
kena take it as it is...sbb diri sendiri pun tak sempurna

study wise skarang nih i am on the right track
lepas balik aku terfikir
i have done a lot...i have more results that I anticipated
cuma kena sit down, organized and do it properly
do not freak out
i am confident aku bleh lulus on time
2.5 years to go
akan ada ups and downs
kena ingat je lah

---

balik mesia managed to paid off my MARA loans
and all my cc
now i am debt free
instead i've overpaid my cc

now kumpul duit beli kereta
pastuh kumpul downpayment rumah plak

2011-09-13T16:10:00.001+09:00

I am looking in the rearview mirror. The road back there is curvy and full of hills. I have crawled at times up those hills. I have ran through the curves at full speed and walked through them slowly. As I look I see that utter complete despair that I have made it through. I see parenthood alone pretty much from the beginning.
As time moves on I am looking through the windshield forward. Every now and then I peek at the rearview mirror and know that I made it through the hills and curves in the road.
I see strength to look forward, I see healing. I see the car moving forward . I see myself a bit more clear. I see a future. I may always peek at that rearview mirror at times but peeking at the despair is less intense as I look through the windshield.
I now can actually see a future. I can see the sun shining a bit more.
I am driving more into my new "normal". I will always be grateful for so many things in that rearview mirror...our love, our life, our moments. I will glance at those and smile. And I will keep driving.

I wish this is my life
But instead i feel like im turning back to the place where i dont want to be
The huge black cloud still hanging above my head
And sometimes i am so much in darkness
That i dont feel anymore

I wish for him
One second of his laugh
One second of his scorn
One second of his silence
One second for his glance

I wish for that

---

My other uber-private blog has totally gone
I revisited it maybe once every two month
To pour my outmost secret and thought
But it is totally gone now, not because i wiped it off
I think the server cant handle it again
Even google couldnt trace the remaining of it

On one hand, i am glad because all my dark, honest thought since 9 years ago is finally gone
But at the same time, i totally sad because it is the only place i can be honest about myself

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-09-13T14:20:00.002+09:00

i want this hair

2011-09-08T15:21:00.002+09:00

If you want to succeed as bad you want to breath,
then you will be successful

How Bad Do You Want It from Greyskale Multimedia LLC on Vimeo.

betullah baca tweet kak salwa
ikram muslimin tuh mmg penting
tunaikan hak orang dulu sebelum tunaikan hak sendiri

tapi kadang2 tension jugak
sometimes we just need somebody to listen
but in the end, kita plak yg kena dengar
i guess i make a good listener
people took advantage of that and never listened to mine
ye lah, mungkin diorang rasa masalah diorang laa paling hebat kat dunia nih
dia tak dengar lagi masalah aku kot
i used to make call
hinting that i need to talk
but in the end, after all the credit worth
i am back at square one
my stories are unheard
and i stop calling

time like this i miss him
because he always listened
even to the most trivial problem i ever had
when he's gone memang terasa sangat
sbb no one would ever listen to me anymore
and reiterate my own decision even if i myself is unsure

i am always the listener
dari dulu sampailaa sekarang
nak motivate diri sendiri adalah benda yang sukar
and finding someone who can do that to you is even harder

there will be a time when I will stop listening
because even now i feel like i cant take it anymore
i want to go home
even if i didnt talk much to my mom
but seeing her makes it all worth the journey
because i know deep inside she knew exactly what is inside of me

2011-09-06T19:23:00.001+09:00

Arinih konfiden je gi buat E-mem for medium
Siap buat autoclave bagai
Lepas 2 jam tunggu siap
Sekali salah guna powder
Aku pakai powder without phenol red
Nasib baik masa keluar dr autoclave tuh ada RA dr Y tuh
Dia pelik kenapa aku letak air kosong pdhal patut warna kuning
Penat aku explain sekali rupa2nya aku yg salah
Aku pon x ingat sebenarnya patut kaler kuning

Sudahnya kena repeat balik
And keluarkan esok
Cisss tol
Maksudnya esok sepanjang hari laaa dalam clean room tuh

Dahlaa RA tuh kelakar
Siap ckp blood pressure dia naik everytime ckp ngan aku
Sbb dia kena ckp dlm english
Ingatkan sbb aku hampeh and asik buat silap

Esok kena setel kerja kat namiki
Balik sengen khamis kena prepare sample lagik
12hb baru sensei balik dr conference
Baru laa bleh ckp yg aku nak balik mesia
Tp dah ckp ngan utagawa san
Jangan laaa diorang bgtau dulu

Dah arinih nak tidur awal
Nasib baik dah siap2 lari sbb balik namiki kol 4
Terus balik rumah laaa nampaknyaa

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2011-09-05T23:20:00.001+09:00

Have lunch meeting with dr y and new student from poland
We almost have the same topic except she is doing works on Mg while i am on NiTi

Sedaplaa plak lunch box nih

After lunch, cepat2 siapkan image analysis to calculate area covered by cell
How i wish every software have its own app
Tension tol working with mouse and keyboard
Dahlaa pc dekat namiki problem internet
Nasib baik ada ipad..kalau tak memang sangat produktif kerja aku

Anyway, lepas buat area calculation pon still got the same trend
So my cell colony calculation tallied up with the image analysis
Sensei Y dah pening
Next time she suggested to use human cell instead and see if the trend is the same

Last friday meeting with Prof T
He asked me to finished up my sample for HPT
Kiranya settlekan lompong2 dalam graph
Then he asked me to do heat treatment to vary the size of nanograin
Siap print paper untuk aku soh baca lagik tuh

Back to Dr Y,
She wanted me to study more on statistic
Which is essential in cell formation assay
And she also want me to work on surface properties later
To investigate why the trend differs

I have so much on my plate now
I know they dont expect the result immediately
But it is just my nature
That i want my result now
Tapi buat kerjanya malas plak

Esok kena gi namiki to prepare my medium
Patut buat arinih tp dah sebok buat image analysis
Tak terbuat laaa medium nya
Rabu kena passage cell lagik

Memang terasa mcm lab Sengen dianaktirikan
Balik opis sengen banyak tol post it atas meja
Suruh jumpa laa, suruh email itu ini laa
Padahal bawak je phs tuh
Malas nak call laa diorang nih

Now i think the reality has started
Kerja dah makin banyak
At keast for this few month
Kena reschedule balik aku punya jadual nih
Set up the priority
Settlekan HPT dulu, then baru cukup sample for Biotest

Balik malaysia karang mesti hati tak senang kan
Mana nak senang, kalau asik terpikir kerja lam lab
Tapi kena take a break jugak laa
Sbb mak pon cakap aunty mary kansel balik kuching sbb tau aku nak balik
Yeay,terbayang dah mkn sedap2 nih
Raya tuh dah jeles dah sbb both aunty mary and aunty moimoi jadi chef kat rumah
Nak request sup sharkfin laa ngan kari ketam
Slurpppp
Konpom makan banyak nanti
So kena lari byk2 before balik
Balik bintulu pon i will be in same flite with my cousin
Baru ingat 16th is hari malaysia..
Muz x keja...bolehlaaa soh dia gi bawak aku makan nasi ayam penyet hahaha

Lepas passage cell nak posa lah
Masa passage xleh posa sbb 4 jam non stop tuh nak buat exp
Tadi call muz pon dia ckp suara letih gila
Mmg letih woyyy
Just need to be careful not to tax my health too much
Sbb tuh dah start nak rajin lari balik
Kasi keluar semua toxin2 and aura2 negative dlm badan
Even when i am out for run, i keeo thinking about how to run lab, planned for next day work
Letih
Takpe 2 more weeks to malaysia

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2011-09-01T23:34:00.001+09:00

Pagi td meeting group
Nothing interesting pon
Pastuh naik lab nak kira colony cell
Sekalinyaaa pc image analyzer rosak plak
Pdhal baru je aku pakai before raya tuh
Sapalaaa sebar virus tuh

Padahal semua pc lam lab tuh dah connected guna shared drive
Pakai je laaa
Nih nak jugak cucuk usb
Last2 buat manual calculation je

Pastuh tunjuklaa result kat sensei
Sekali reverse trend plak...
Dua2 variable plak tuh
Sensei dah pening...siap keluarkan segala file dia carik result lama dia
Aku plot guna excel jek sbb x reti pakai software dia bagi tuh
Siap dia tanya apsal x pakai software tuh
Dan2 dpt tutorial disitu
Sabar je laa mak

Esok kena gi namiki balik laa guna om kat sana plak
Pagi ada seminar, ada budak phd northwestern datang buat intern under Prof T
Melambak2 dah student dalam group aku nih
Lepas seminar ada lunch meeting dekat namiki
Sbb sambut budak pbd dr warsaw univ tuh
Bakal partner aku kata sensei Y
Tapi sensei Y mmg baiklaaa
Aku email dia result
Terus2 dia komen siap nak buat meeting next week
Patutnya dia ambik student laa
Tp dia more toward researching kot
Sbb dia byk spend masa lam lab compared to Prof T

Anyway, sempat ke settle kerja aku nih
Nak buat hpt lagik
Tapi diorang dah tukar anvil lain
Si Meng tuh plak gi Osaka next week
Sapa nak tolong aku tukar anvil next week
Tunggu dia balik laa nampaknyaa

Sempat lg gosip ngan meng
Ada budak dlm office dia dapat offer jadi postdoc dekat max planck int
Waaa aku nak
Tapi mak sedar diri sikit laaa
Sekarang pon dah pening
Layak ke nak ke max planck tuh?

Take one step at a time laa weh
Nak compare diri dengan org sampai bila xkan puas kan
Tapi xleh gak berpuas hati dan duduk lam comfort zone
Belajar nih pon one way tunaikan tggjwb
To be better
Sbb tuh kena ada progress walaupon kecik mana pon

Masalahnya aku nih kalau lam office meraban merayap pergi website bongok2
Bukan nak buat kerja
Kena buat mcm ada org suggest dlm forum tuh
Block sendiri fb ngan utube barulaa produktif kot
Tapi mampu ke?

Next week lagi busy kot
Kena prepare medium yg dah abis
Buat pbs lagik
Pastuh rasanya kena repeat balik exp tuh nak confirmkan lagik
Satu2 laa weh..
Kalau dah camnih mmg sesak dada nak pikir

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2011-08-27T00:46:00.002+09:00

Asyik terkenang dekat arwah je akhir2 nih

Kadang2 sampai takleh tidur sebab asyik terbayangkan dia

We had a good life although it doesnt last long

Apa yang Tuhan rencanakan itulah yang terbaik untuk kita kan?

He is a good man, I always believe that

sebab tu Tuhan ambil dia dulu

there are so many unspoken thing that I want to tell him

about life, about me, about everything

kadang2 rasa nak gila juga sebab sometimes i feel lost

and i want to reach out for him

but he's not here

It has been more that two years

but why this feeling still does not goes away

patutnya aku dah lebih tenang kan

di akhir ramadhan nih makin terkenang pulak

dia dah dalam dunia dia

dah makin dekat dengan tuhan

yang tinggal aku je lah kat sini

---

arwah alin dan arwah H pun dah masuk dua tahun

Alin a day after convo

and H after raya

I dont know how I survived this

tuhan nak aku lebih kuat kot

jangan bergantung pada manusia lain

tapi hakikatnya memang susah

tapi kena kuatkan hati jugak

mula hidup baru slowly

step by step

because they each have prepared me for many thing in their own way

tuhan je yang tau

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hatiku

Berikanlah aku kekuatan

kerana sesungguhnya akulah hambaMu yang lemah

2011-08-25T00:23:00.001+09:00

Tadi buat cell passage on my samples
Ntah hati berat je nak cakap yg aku rasa experiment aku fail
Mana taknya, sample asik terbalik
Masa buat cell count last week pon cell asik lekat kat tepi tanak gi tengah

Satu sample plak mcm ada karat je kat tepi
Matilaa cell i camtuh

Harap2 ok
Next week baru bleh dpt result cell culture

Next step apa pun aku xtau
Kena mengadap sensei laa esok camnih huhu
Kena prepare medium lagik
Tolonglaaa produktif sket

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2011-08-23T22:19:00.001+09:00

Tadi gi namiki kejap
Buat sterilization guna eog
Senang jek...cuma deal ngan benda2 bio nih
Everything kena sterilized
Balik mesia boleh tak continue buat bio eh?
Mcm byk gila benda nak kena startup

Anyway esok kena buat cell passage lagik
Dr y dah suruh rehearse step dalam kepala
Ye laa sbb rasanya dah lupa kot apa dah buat last week
Dahlaa semalam stay back kat lab sampai kol 9 sbb sample suma kotor
Ingatkan rusty
Rupanya partikel tertinggal atas sample sbb toyono-san lupa nak ajar satu step
Sepatutnya polish-cuci sabun-acetone
So kena ulang balik part cuci tuh
Nasib baik xyah kena polish balik sbb most sample dah cantik dah

Bukak fb tgk ada staff ump dah abis phd
Terasa jauh lagik perjalanan aku nih
Baru 4 bulan
Rasa nak abis cepat2 jek
Sbb apa ntah rasa camtuh?
Maybe sbb tak nampak lagi hala tuju
Kalau ikutkan objektif cam simple jek
In fact part niti nih dah almost finished
Tapi supporting experiment nak tgk why it behaves that way tak figure out lagik
Susah hati tol asik fikir pasal study nih
Padahal aku baru je start kan

Banyak lagi benda lam otak nih
Tapi dah decide dah
Jangan pk sangat anything personal
Benda jiwa nih takkan hilangnyaa
Fikir banyak2 pun xde guna kan
Org dah pergi takkan kembali
Kita yang hidup nih kena keep on living lah
Sound simple tapi nak kena kuatkan hati hari2
Sometime took too much

Kadang2 kena bersyukur itu jelaa benda aku kena fikir
Kalau banding org lain kan
Tp itulaa
Sometimes wallowing in self pity is easier right?

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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-08-18T00:01:00.001+09:00

Arinih buat cell passage
Penat tapi best
Pagi tuh tgk demo RA dr y
Petang tuh turn aku plak

Dem, RA tuh buat 2 jam
Aku buat 4 jam
Giloss
Nasib dr y tuh jenis yg memang tgk sebjjik2 aku buat
Sampai cara handle pippette pon dia nak tgk
Mmg banyak salah pon, sbb working with cell kena betul2 tgk environment
Kalau tersalah angle dah boleh bunuh cell tuh

Aku plak jenis kasar
Aku rasa dia seram kot tgk cara aku goncang flask etc
Sampai berapa kali dia cakap gentle gentle
Hahahah

Tapi it is an interesting experiment
Lepas nih kena buat everyweek
Sukanyaaa
Takdelaa boring cam buat prepare sample kann
Walaupon dalam sakit tulang belakang
Tp enjoy laa buat tadi

Sempat dr y tunjuk aku stent untuk arteri tersumbat tuh
Not in market yet
Company tuh hantar kat dia utk testing
Dia bukak kotak tu depan aku
Betul la kot apa prof t cakap
Dia nih mmg terer
Dahlaa budak intern dia x putus2
Tapi suka laa dia sbb dia mmg ajar sebijik2
Maybe sebab benda tu baru bagi aku
So aku rasa interesting sangat
Bila ko tanya pun dia jawap panjang lebar

Esok back to sengen
Prepare sample prof t plak
Aku dahlaa seram mesin hpt tuh
Besar kot...nanti nak mintak dia beli tangga laa tuk aku
X larat aku nak panjat tiap kali nak masuk sample

So officially dah lebih 4 bulan sini
Terfikir gak, sempat ke aku nak siap nih
Dengan corrosion nya lagik
Dengan material baru lagik
Dengan biotest nih lagik

Bulan depan dah kena prepare paper utk conference okinawa tuh
Kena buat kerja abis2an before balik mesia nanti

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2011-08-16T17:25:00.001+09:00

Penat,
Baru settle buat reagent utk cell test
Walaupon penat, tp best gak buat experiment tadi
Masuk clean room suma
Kena pakai baju cam keja kilang electronic tuh
Pastuh air shower lagik
Dapat notebook and pen spesel utk clean room

Pastuh masa prepare sample mmg tergagap2 gak
Tgk dr y buat laju gila
Sekali bila aku buat lembap nak mampus
Mana nak pegang pipet lagi
Mana nak rotate bekas atas flame lagik
At the same time kena maintain hand movement takut contaminated
Mmg kelam kabut laa aku

Tp after siap, dr y puji
Cakap dia dah lama mengajar buat biotest nih
And have taught many people
Tp dia cakap aku antara the best gitewww
Kembang i kejap
Kalau kat us dulu, bila kena puji just kena cakap thank you
Tp kat jepun nih, ko kena rendahkan diri dulu before accept the compliment wahaha
But i feel appreciated though
Harap2 dia maintain ok ngan aku

End of month ada budak phd dr warsaw univ akan datang intern bawah dia
So dia ckp nanti aku ada kawan lah kat situ nanti

So schedule aku nanti every week memang kena datang namiki twice weekly
Sbb dari gaya kerja tadi, nak prepare reagent pon makan sehari suntuk
Esok prepare cell plak, lagi susah dari arinih..
Every week kena maintain detached cell plak
Next week baru bleh start letak cell atas sample

Minggu nih pun kena prepare sample utk Prof T jugak
Dia nak measure amorphous phase guna viscoelastic test
Nih pon test yg aku x pernah buat lagik
Sempat tak siap agak2

Harinih tak posa
So blessing in disguise jugak
Tapi seksa gak buat kerja dalam keadaan menstrual cramp+back ache
Huhuhu

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2011-08-14T20:34:00.001+09:00

Pergi office kejap tadi
Nak print handling procedure for biotest next thursday
Ingatkan nak buat exp jugak
Sekali bukak email sensei bagi amaran dua kali jangan masuk lab
Siap tulis this is strict order
Padanlaa tak nampak bebudak china tuh
Sbb diorang plan nak buat lab sbb dalam lab ada aircond
Tp kat office xde

Gilos, print kejap jek dah berpeluh aku
Last2 balik rumah laa sambung baca kat rumah
Aku rasa summer nih konpom bil naik
24 hrs aku rasa aku bukak aircond nih huhu

Package mak kirim pon sampai
Ingatkan kena tahan dekat kastam sbb bila tracking tgk dia ckp dia bukak package tu verify
Udahlaa mak aku declare benda tuh as kain hahaha
Sabar je laa

Tup2 pagi tadi ding dong2 pakcik ups sampai hantar
Waaaa apa lagi
Rezeki la berbuka makan bubur pedas arinih
My kitchen smells like way back home :)

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2011-08-12T00:33:00.001+09:00

Its my mom birthday today
I bought gift basket online for her
It arrived yesterday at her office
And the funny thing is
She called the sender because she's afraid there's bomb in the box
Geesshh

Nasiblaa sender tuh baik
"makcik, anak makcik della yang bagi hadiah tuh"
Adoilaa mak oi

When we're skyping today
She told me she doesnt want to open the gift yet
Because its not her birthday yet
How cute is my mom?

I kinda miss her
I think i become who i am because of her
She's the kindest person i ever known
She believe in helping people
And although sometimes it goes unnoticed
She always help those who deserved it
I think i got this trait from her
She always believe in goodness of people
That sometimes we become irritated because we think people took advantages from her

And man, she is the best cook ever
I grew up eating the best thing she has to offer
From simple thing like mee sua to exquisite chinese dessert like angko kueh
And her curry is simply out of this world
She also master of making kueh chang
Whenever she's making that, people at the hospital will queue to buy it
And believe me, i can finished many of those in just one sitting
I think that is the reason i am so adventurous when it come to eating
Because she makes me love good food
When i was little, the best days would be when she works evening shift
Because i get to eat good lunch after school

The earliest memory i have with my mom is when she made a paperboard clock
And taught me how to read the clock
And when i am in my teen, i grew up reading all her paperback
Esp those spy book where she got my name from

I hope she will have good health and good life until the end
Happy birthday mama'!!

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2011-08-11T02:19:00.001+09:00

Busy tol dua tiga minggu nih
Stress mak
Nak bernafas pon xleh
Esok dah start summer holiday
Tp hati mcm x senang jek

Nak kena buat gradual xrd
Apparently my as-is sample is amorphous due to etching
And it is quite deep gak
So sensei previous experiment pon affected by my finding
Siap dia buat TEM
But not on my sample lah
Minggu depan dia suruh prepare sample for viscosity test plak
Minggu depan gak dah start hands on biotest in clean room
Samples dah siap dah finally for first round
40+ gak guna hand laps
Try guna auto polisher tp xleh
So kena back to manual

Buat test senang jek
Nak interpret nya nanti yg susah
Reference tak banyak
Latest pon mostly paper 2009 above
Tuh pon finding lain2
Pening gak

Awal2 dah hit the wall camner
Tapi fikir2 harap2 ok
Sempat ke nak buat nih
Dah masuk bulan ke 4 takde hasil pon
Si meng tuh dah start write paper on his 6th month
Letih gak nak kejar tuh

Plan pon caca marba
Mana lagi nak check surface
Mana lagi nak check corrosion
Biotest nih pon dr y kena make sure aku berjaya culture more than 90% survival rate
Baru dia bagi aku letak atas sample
Plus kena maintain culture every week
Kena monitor plak every hour and every day
Nih aku kena settle cepat2 sbb dah book tiket balik mesia bulan 9
Yeah, i am that impulsive

Tapi minggu nih sempat spend time ngan sensei
Borak pasal result
Dia pening aku lagi pening
Tapi ntahlaa
Bila cakap ngan orang pandai2 nih
Terbukak sikit otak aku nih
Rasa lega jek bila dia explain satu2
Aku rasa aku laa yg paling kurang kerap jumpa dia
Sbb aku xde issue lagi kot

Tp so far aku xdelaa komplen pon cara dia
Aku suka bila dia bagi full independence camtuh
Sbb aku rasa kalau given task day by day
Aku akan stress and burnt out easily

Anyway
Borak ngan rj tadi
Heh, mamat yang berlagak amat dekat aku dulu tuh
Ielts dia xde laa hebat mana
Dpt 6.5 jek
Tapi feeling2 mcm mata dia biru, rambut dia blonde
Tuh laa, tuhan kalau nak tunjuk sekejap jek
So jgn memoyo sangat depan orang
Kelakar org camnih
Bila fikir balik mmg banyak dah dia aniaya org termasuklaa aku
Ye laa aku nih kalau dah baik, baik benar
Tp once you cross the line, sampai mati kot aku xkan tegur ko
Yeah i am that hardcore
I am all about positivity
Buat apa simpan kawan yg mcm haram
Xde faedah pon
Ignorance is bliss
Takde masa aku nak bermuka2

Yelaa
Kalau fikir2 balik
He took advantage of me during my most vulnerable time
The time that i need friend the most
Nak kereta aku kasi pinjam FOC
Tapi dia bleh claim senyap2 x bagi aku pon (mcm celaka je perangai)
Not too mention countless time mintak belanja makan whatsoever
Masa tuh aku x kesah laa
As i said, i believe i am good person
Now aku ungkitlaa sbb sakit hati bila fikir balik
But anyway, now i am the one who's having the last laugh
Serve him right

The point here
Treat people nicely
And have respect for others
Trust is fragile thing
Once broken, you will never have it back

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2011-08-08T02:13:00.001+09:00

There are so many things on my mind right now
I keep thinking about him
And it sadden me

Looking back, how do i reach here?
I lose my husband
And yet i still manage to be here for my phd
I guess God really knows the strength of His servant
If it were up to me, i dont feel like doing anything
But death taught me one thing
The living have to keep living

Am i really as strong as they said
I dont feel like i am strong enough
I have many regrets
And so many mistakes
But at least now i know
I am me
And i deserved some happiness on my own

People think they understand me
But beneath my nonchalant appearance
And my happy face
I fight a lot of emotion underneath
Even i dont understand myself sometimes
Sometimes i tend to think i am bipolar
But i am just too smart for my own good
I cant afford to crumble and stay under the duvet all the time
And i also cant afford to be sad all the time

Be stronger than u ever were della
Life will never fair
But God will never disappoint you

Just stay strong
And have faith
Things will go your way

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2011-08-07T19:55:00.001+09:00

Byk tol isu politik malaysia nih
Dari isu iklan 8tv sampaila isu zakat

Kita selalu membandingkan situasi kita dengan demonstrasi di di Thailand. Politik di sana berbeza dengan negara kita. Thailand adalah negara sebangsa, budaya dan cara hidup mereka sama. Begitu juga di Indonesia. Mereka hanya ada dua kumpulan, pro dan anti kerajaan. Berbanding kita, kita adalah sebuah negara berbilang bangsa, agama, budaya dan cara hidup. Politik kepartian amat kuat dan ekstrem. Parti politik berasaskan bangsa. Keadaan kita jauh lebih kompleks. Sudah pasti dalam banyak perkara kita tidak sehati sejiwa. Apakah kita tidak menjangka ada orang yang akan mengambil kesempatan. Wahai umat Islam! Janganlah mudah untuk diperalatkan.

I slightly agree with ridhuan tee
Org melayu mudah tunduk pada bangsa lain
This may sound a lil bit racist
But i am half chinese myself
Some ultra kiasu chinese just want things their own way
And they have no respect to others

Tapi kita melayu sangat baik
Bagi je semua
Perangai melayu, lembik xde pendirian

Sigh

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2011-07-31T16:38:00.001+09:00

All i have for Ramadhan is only memories
Of him buying nasi tomato
And drinking kathira
And him finishing my nasi kerabu

Our last Ramadhan together

How it ended up from there to this?

I miss you
Always and always

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2011-07-29T10:36:00.001+09:00

malam rabu arituh ada party group dengan sensei
Sempatlaa borak ngan dia kejap

He told me that i am lucky
Because i have the opportunity to work with dr y
apparently dr y is the best in japan
Byk kompeni nak rekruit dia...tp dia xnak
Tp sensei pon terkejut sbb dr y nak ajar aku
Aku igtkan sensei suruh dia ajar aku
Tp sensei ckp x
Dia pun terkejut sbb dr y nak ajar aku buat sendiri
So sensei suruh aku work hard
And produced paper cepat2

Huhuhu

Tadi borak dengan meng tuh
Rupanya mamat iran yg asik bertekak dengan prof depan bilik aku tuh dah ada 8 papers
Gilo ko?
Selamba aku fitnah dia kan hahahah
Dia nak abis phd dah

8 papers in high impact factor journal??
Requirement 3 paper jek woiii

Tadi borak ngan meng tuh
Banyak input dia bagi aku
Which is good
Aku rasa chinese lam group aku nih mostly bagus
Walaupon kadang2 diorang kiasu skit
But if you can withstand them
They will include you in

I am complaining that im getting very lazy
Meng cakap dia pun sama gak
Tp dia suruh aku usaha keras sikit
Aku rasa obvious kot aku pemalas hahahah

Today is good day
I have lots of input
Kadang2 rasa aku sangat bertuah
Maybe nih rezeki kot
Dapat sensei yg x pernah marah
Dapat senpai yg caring
Experiment pon doable and unexplored
Cuma penat je laaa

Tapi terkesan gak cakap sensei
Aku cakap you have to help me
Tapi dia cakap it is all up to you
I cant help you, i am hoping you will find the answer and tell me
I did that experiment many years ago
And now i have you to tell me why it is like that

Waduhhhh

Takpe, anggap sebagai motivasi
So nowwwww, i have to work hard

Summer nih asik datang kol 10 jek, tp balik kol 6
Still not enough hour kan?
I have been here for three months
Very few results yet
Meng dah writing after 6 month

It is not good to compare with others
But take it as motivation

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-07-27T10:28:00.002+09:00

App review for ipad
I mainly used my ipad for my labwork and also for my reading
It is such a convinient to read paper from my ipad as i can do my reading while i do my polishing
And also while i am in bed
I also do major editing for my lab report and presentation
And it is easier to carry around to show my work to my sv too

So here is my heavily used apps

1. Goodreader (paid): must have!!! I read my textbook (pdf) in good reader because i cam easily annotate on it, and even leave bookmark so that i can revisit important info shud i need them again in future. most of ipad user swears by this

2. Dropbox (free) : cloud computing at its best. I used it mainly to transfer file from my desktop to ipad. You can install uploader in your mac/pc too so it will sync perfectly

3. Papers (free) : for my journal collection. Since i have papers on my macbook pro, i can sync my papers from ipad to mac. I also can used this for citation. This is like endnote but much better. Mac only

4. Mendeley (free): like Papers, but for windows. I dont like the intrrface, but my main pc at work is windows, so this is the only alternative. You can do citation too if you install the desktop app in your pc.

5. Merlin: kinda like microsoft project. Used it to record my progress. Mac only

6. Penultimate (paid): i bought this because sometimes i do notetaking with my pen. So this is in my opinion the best notetaking apps, plus it works perfectly with my ipad pen.

7. Ps express (free): for simple picture editing. Sometimes i uploaded some graph or figures for my presentation, so i usually edit it using this.

8: Keynote (paid). Must have. It is for powerpoint presentation. I love all the simple feature. Plus i also used keynote on my mac.

9. Pages (paid): Must have. This is the microsoft words for mac and ipad

10. Wunderlist (free) : to do apps. Very useful if you have lots of stuff to do adn you can sync this to your desktop too. I used this on my macbook for sometimes, but they just released the ipad apps. Must have.

11. Blogpress(paid): for blogging.

So this is few of many apps i have downloaded. But for work purposes, this is the main things that i think a must have in ipad especially for researcher.

Will update more later.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-07-25T10:20:00.001+09:00

My bialetti moka pot finally here
Along with my illy espresso roast
Thats mean i can make make my own espresso at home
Pretty convenience
And thats mean i dont have to run out to starbucks everytime i crave for some cap or latte

Anyhow i make a big boo boo on my first run
Apparently my gas strength is too high
And causes the plastic part to melt a little bit
Sedihnyaaa
I have taken precaution using the metal net as my spacer
But not enough

Nasib baik ada cast iron that i used for grilling my veggie

but the cast iron take so much time to heat up laa plak

But it still makes a mean espresso though
Coupled it with hot milk, i am totally in heaven
My own caffe latte

Made my own bread too
First time with yeast and it is a success
Using jamie oliver recipe
Pretty fool proof
Bread flour, olive oil and yeast is all it needs
Make few batches and freeze the rest
Ate it with minced meat curry and mushroom soup
Oiishiiii!

Anticipating Ramadhan this year
I know its gonna be hot and long
But i think i managed
I spent most of the time in the airconditioned lab anyway

I lose 7 kg just by going to japan
Nampak sangat makanan malaysia byk calories
Need to use this ramadhan as opportunity to lose at least 10kg?
Achievable?
Lets just hope

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-07-24T00:16:00.002+09:00

all the sudden

i am swamped with emotions

i thought about him

and i literally can feel my hand is shaking

and next thing i know i am in tears

grief comes in like waves now

most of the time i am ok and even if i thought of him

i am in peace

but there are times

like today

where i feel useless

bad days come less frequently now

but it doesnt mean that i become less sad

sometimes i keep replaying my last few days with him

what have i said

what should i said

what have i done

what should i did

and the fact that it will never happened again frustrates me

i will always mourning for him

for he has special place in my life

2011-07-23T18:23:00.001+09:00

Went to namiki last friday
Jumpa dr y regarding cytotoxicity test
Ingatkan diorang yg akan buat test
Rupa2nya dia suruh aku buat sendiri

Hoh
Nasib baik dah prepare siap2
Baca astm standard and read all her paper
Dia proposed buat two different type of test
And use two different type of cell
Fibroblast and osteoblast

Cyto test is time consuming
Sbb kena observed cell every day
And calculated the amount of cell remaining

Next week kena start buat dummy test
Sbb kena make sure my cell still alive when i transferred them to my samples

Tapi ok je
Namiki just 5 minutes away
Tapi still dr Y give me my own table and pc and even lockers
Semangat tol
Padahal aku bleh je ulang alik

Tapi both Dr Y ngan Prof T is very busy
Minggu nih jumpa Prof T sekali je
Tu pon 5 minit je sbb dia suruh aku gi seminar psl biocompatibility
Tak sempat pon nak discuss psl kerja aku

Next week kena prepare more sample plak
Neverending work

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

2011-07-17T19:35:00.001+09:00

Went out for some coffee
Sebenarnya nak antar repair beskal
Boleh plak dua2 tayar xde angin
Depan tuh aku rasa pecah sbb arituh terlanggar divider malam2
Tgk2 esoknyaaa belakang pon pecah gak
Cam siot

Malas nak buat sendiri
So antar gi jusco dlm kol 4
Tgk2 kol 8 baru siap
Malas nak balik rumah merayau laa dekat area creo tuh
Masuk loft
Aiyooo mmg x tahan
My weakness is stationery ye
Rasa nak beli je semua notebook ngan pen kat situ
Tp beringat sikit memandangkan all my work is mostly digital now
So xde makna nak beli2 stationery nih
Tp memang rambang mata k

Keluar2 loft ada sejam lagi to kill
Apa lg duduk starbucks je laa people watching
Another fav hobby

I feel desensititized toward japan already
Nothing interesting anymore
I dont feel im in foreign land anymore
Padahal ckp jepun pon x reti kan

Masa gi tokyo pon asik tanya elly
Ko rasa tak ko kat jepun?
Haruslaa mak buyung tuh sentap

Jalan2 jap cari air sedap
Jumpa soysh, sparkling soy water
Aih sedaplaa plak
Tp malu nak gi kedai tu balik beli

Ingat nak buat reflexology
Skali full laa plak
Jimat duit aku
Aaaa rindu nak gi urut kaki
Kalau kat kuantan dah pegi dah nih

Beli komik sinchan just for motivation
Sehari satu page pon xpe
Nasib ada furigana, kalau x mampus nak carik kanji satu2
Walaupon iphone nih bleh recognized handwriting kanji
Tp still malas k nak belek satu2

Sent from my iPhone

2011-07-17T01:49:00.001+09:00

Lega sample siap before weekend
Next week rasanya sempat kot nak buat another set of hpt
Kalau rajin laaa

Tp kena buat gak
Risau plak kalau x jd cell culture aku nih
Xpe baru 3 bulan
Got another 2 and 9 months to go
Nothing to rush hopefully

I have a feeling sensei anticipated work on co-cr more than this niti
Sbb
1. No one ever get nanoxtal on that, latest one is only ufg. When i shows him that paper, he said oh we should get better than that. Its just feel like we're betting
2. He keep telling me we cant get the material, i may have to do it myself using arc furnace. And he said this cheerfully

Enough bout work
Others than that
I just fucking annoyed with ppl with bersih thingy
Like the video of person that they said praying before he died
Thats is fake dude-check ur resources before posting that pic/vid on fb
And how they said the guy holding a mic is chinese and bersih is actually promote interracial
Wrong again!
That guy is a malay

See what bother me most is some of them dont even know what bersih is all about
And most of them arent registered voter anyway
So shut the hell up until you are one
Yeah i am allowed to said that cause i am registered to vote

And the student
Why the hell u want to waste ur time in that parade
Ko nak vote pon x cukup umur
Apahal?
Belajar pon x abis
Ptptn pon x abis bayar
Ada hati nak join demo
Get ur prioritu straight

If malaysia voting system is so corrupt
Pas is still winning in kelantan rite?
Yg tuh x kecoh plak
Pffftttt

Anyhoo
Politics disgust me
The point here is choose the lesser evil
No where in the world is an utopian states
And dont be obsessed with any leader (*cough DSAI cough*)
He is not maksum and never will
Change the govt if you might
But do it the right way
Not by some riot act

Sent from my iPhone

2011-07-14T23:19:00.002+09:00

baru submit abstract for JIM meeting

lega satu kerja dah abis

nih kena setelkan utk namiki plak

sensei soh tambah sample...

i need cold pack for my hand already

penat aaa handlap

nak try guna auto polisher

tp takut nipis sangat tak nampak plak nanostructured tuh

tp at least dah siap 9 samples out of 16

wah byk lagi tuh

dah laa monday cuti

cis

dah almost 3 month here

rasa cam setahun

everyday i learn something new

which is good

more to come baby

keep it comin'

bagusla busy camnih

balik rumah dah penat

mandi makan tido

takde laa nak fikir yang bukan2

ye laaa..nak fikir pon tak larat

dah baring fikir apa nak jadi esok dah

which is good

but i know..if i keep going this way

one day i will break down real bad

anyhow

life must go on

compartmentalized ur life

24 jam dalam sehari

8 jam tidur

8 jam kerja

8 jam for self

it is a must

kalau tak burn out, otak pon dah tak larat nak fikir

i believe in this

masa kat UMP kerja sampai maghrib for few months

then lepas tuh burnt out gila gila

sampai ada one time berapa hari tak turun kerja

do something that you love

this is no biggie for me

i always feel like i am destined in MSE

walaupon once upon a time i want to be in EE

but fortunately god have better plan

i excel in this

just like how Hawking can prove God exist (or non existance depending on which of his book that you read)

material did that to me

be passionate

lecturing-yes

study-yes

experiment work-yes

Nihongo-not yet

buat phd tak susah

God permits, i dont think i will fail this

maybe i will bitch about this later on, but I know deep in my heart

i can aced this

just like how i did with prof esah

i am proud she brought my research to her talk

that small things that make me smile

although I almost did not send her my final thesis due to hubby passing away

and i hope one day sensei will do the same thing-being proud of me

because I am proud of every single thing that I've done

live your life

i havent mastered this yet

but I am blessed with understanding parents

and cool siblings

i have nothing holding me back

so i will live my life the way i want it to be

one step at a time

remember this Della

one day you will forget this momentarily

and you will complain about how your life sucks

remember all your achievement

you have come so far

just remember this

2011-07-13T20:17:00.001+09:00

Masalah musim summer
Kalau dah panas sgt start laa keluar darah dari kulit aku nih
Belek2 kaki pon dah byk yg keluar camnih
Susah tol kulit sensitif gini
Tp x seteruk masa kat us dulu
Taktaulaa bulan 8 nnt camne

Sensei plak mcm baca je blog aku
Pagi td dah kecewa dah tgk ada org tgh pakai handlap
Terpaksa laa tunggu smp dia abis
Tup2 lepas lunch budak tuh dtg ckp sensei dah beli satu lg yg baru
Wahhhh cepat tol
X sempat mintak dah beli
Aku la tukang rasmi mesin baru
Next week dah kena start berkampung kat namiki
Nasib baik meeting hari jumaat
Sempat laa polished sample smp abis

Td jiang sibuk2 nak tgk sample aku
Sbb dia pun buat benda sama
To x dpt2 mirror polish tuh

Pastuh petang plak meng dtg
I heard you are the master of polishing now, always get mirror polished.
Waaahh budak2 china nih, pantas je bergosip
Sabar je la aku

Pagi td gak sensei bg result utk buat abstract utk gi okinawa
Tetiba satu group kecoh2 tanya sapa dah hantar
Sorang pon x antar lg sbb sensei x approve lg
Sensei plak sibuk entertain guest arinih
Dahlaaa masa introduced aku kat guest
Siap cakap dia nih biology
Sabor je lah

Aku mati2 igt gi bulan 9
Ntah apsal aku igt bulan 9
Rupanya 10
Semua laa sibuk
Igtkan aku je semangat
Budak2 china nih lagilaaa
dah siap survey nak duduk mana
Nak buat apa
Last year diorang gi hokkaido
Harap2 next year hokkaido balik
Jimat duit i jalan2 i

X sabar buat cyto test nih
First time for me
Prosedur dah hapal dah
Teori pon ok
Tp yamamoto sensei punya prosedur lain sket kalau compare ngan standard
Harap2 bleh masuk

2011-07-11T22:30:00.003+09:00

Japan is way too icky for me

US summer is hot...up until 40 deg

but it is dry and windy

Japan humidity is too high

i am sweating in my own house

even if i am stepping out 2 minutes from my airconditioned room

anywho

need to finished up my sample as soon as possible

I managed to do 4 samples today

bak kata RA Toyono-san

kireiiiii neee masa belek2 sample aku

wahh bangga jap..

tp mmg cantik pon aku buat

i am a damn good polisher

glad i still have that skill

plus while talking to Sensei today

he shows the statistic for NIMS JR

apparently 6 applicants, only 2 managed to go through

"this one is you"

enough to boost my confidence for the day

that was before he said

when will you can go to Namiki

terus down

aiyooo sensei

tangan i ada 2 jek

dah laa kena berebut hand laps

bleh tak beli lagi satu just for me

ni pon belum discussed pasal okinawa lagi ngan dia

kena antar abstract this Fri

aku nak antar apa pon taktau

angin?

tapi memang untung la jugak dapat tsuchiya sensei nih

kena syukur banyak

meeting pon dua kali sebulan jek

he never pestered for progress

as long as no problem occurs

that is good

and he gave good insight too

need to remember this so that when things getting tough

i will always have this

2011-07-07T22:40:00.001+09:00

I just find it disheartening (disturbing?)
for not be able to find good website on learning japanese in malay

Although i found v good website/blog by all those expat on how to learn basic japanese
And am totally in love with that
But i think it will be nice to have some of that in malay

Or maybe i expect too much

I tried to like this language
Its hard because im not language enthusiast

----

I need a Wilson in my life
I want someone to scream Noooo, when i tried to catapult into the pool
I definitely need a Wilson
Maybe one dsy i will found one

Sent from my iPad

2011-07-07T14:25:00.002+09:00

just done with my presentation just now

kinda ok

sensei siap puji lagi siap kata

very nice introduction on biomaterials

your chapter 1 is complete already

sambil gelak2

tak banyak question

more on general question...easily can answer that

which is better for corrosion resistance-amorphous or nanocrystalline

amorphous-better pitting resistance

nanoxtalline-better formation of oxide film

before that meng and zhang present

perghhh tgk result diorang

rasa kerdil plak

both of them are D2 student

tapi result tuhhh bleh dapat 2 phd kot

meng is a very nice person

byk2 mainland aku rasa dia paling ok sbb borak ngan dia pon best

kelakar plak tuh

semalam rosakkan anvil hpt, dia plak beriya call sensei cakap salah dia

pastuh software xrd hang, dia plak datang gi selamatkan aku

kalau dengan chen, budak pompuan master tuh dia mmg protective gila

siap tegur baju chen suma tuh...chen pon cakap mmg ge ge to the point of being too strict

dgn sensei pon dia ok sbb dia kelakar in his way

research zhang tuh pon hebat gak

tgk phase in the middle of twin intersection

sangat fundamental lah

which is impressive to me sbb kalau nak borak pasal fundamental MSE ngan org2 kat mesia

byk yg takleh grasp the idea

even yg coming from USM..slip band pon tak tau ape

kagumlaa kot sbb slide dia sangat clean

gambar slip band and twinning dia sangat jelas

berangan la kejap...kalau balik nanti nak buat something camnih la

tapi aku rasa i am not that good

masa UG dulu mmg minat part deformation mechanism nih

sbb aku rasa benda nih laa paling susah masa aku belajar dulu hahaha

anyway..need to speed up my progress

sensei dah suruh pegi namiki end of this month buat cytotoxicity test plak

dahlaa sampel aku xleh guna autopolishing

stress mak

satu sampel tuh makan 2 jam

max aku bleh buat 3 sampel sehari

and now i got total 16 sampel to prepare

tuh tak masuk untuk HPT lagik

waaaaaa

2011-07-06T13:45:00.000+09:00

Dying isn’t easy.

The body was designed to stay alive: thick skulls, strong hearts, keen sensors.

When the body starts to fail, medicine takes over.

Surgeons are arrogant enough to think there’s no one we can’t save.

Like I said, dying isn’t easy.

Living is better than dying until it’s not.

But even if letting a person die is the right thing to do, its not what surgeons are built for.

We are arrogant and competitive.

We don’t like to lose and death feels like a loss even when we know it’s not.

We know it’s time, we know it’s right, we know we did everything we could.

But it’s hard to shake the feeling that we could have done more

I should have done more

2011-07-05T23:45:00.002+09:00

good weekend spent

love the surprise that i actually went to vacation at highland

cis..takde pon review cakap highland melampau camtu

but hakone was nice

feel like some sort of european country

ye laaa...kejap rasa cam kat venice, kejap rasa cam kat alps

kejap rasa kat france

siap ada prairie bagai

the guest house gives us tips on what to do

and the pamplet says a 5 hours trip to all the attraction in hakone

but knowing us, suma jenis touch and go

been there done that sudah

alangkan satu singapore kitorang bleh abis dalam sehari

(including sentosa island ye)

apatah lagi hakone nih

we managed to complete all the attraction in 2 hrs

hebat tak hebat?

tozan bus->tram->cable car->lake cruise->bus ride back

masuk amazing race konpom menang

heh pastuh tak sabar2 nak balik sebab nak beronsen

perghhh mmg sedap laaa

sakit kaki round tokyo and kamakura for two days terus hilang

esok tuh terus koma, padahal beriya book onsen kol 830 pagi

tapi bangun kol 9 gak

hahaha

what else

today ada meeting jap ngan sensei

showed him my slides

ingatkan dia nak komen laa

sekali dia cakap oh you have done a lot

terus happy disitu

pastuh dia tgk ipad aku terus cakap

"after this u have to show me how to use

because I just got new ipad from the univ

they give me ipad for meeting"

tak ke sentapppp

ko dapat ipad semata2 nak gi meeting jekkk

siap smart cover lagik ok

aku nih nak ikat perut sebab nak beli

eh takdelaa ikat sangat pon

but still life is unfair

tgh survey harga tv nih

rasa nak pasang laa hikari tv tuh

masa kat guest house tuh rasa best plak tv jepun nih

maybe sbb ada translator sebelah aku

sket2 tanya..eh dia cakap apa..dia cakap apa

tapi knowing me konpom aku koma tgk tv

mcm kat US dulu

24 jam depan tv jek layan shows and reruns mengarut2

tapi i love tv

benda lagha nih aku suka jek

dapat gaji nanti nak beli tv laa...

bila nak kumpul duit kalau gini

2011-06-28T16:51:00.003+09:00

elly gonna come tomorrow

planned to go to Hakone

and relaxing there

gonna go to tokyo for two days

then straight up to hakone

aku pon x abis round tokyo lagik

my gluteus maximus hurt

from doing lunges and squats

its a good hurt though

means my muscle is torn and will rebuilt

at the same time will burn the fat to rebuilt

lama dah x strength training

cardio is good, but strength training shapes the body

tapi upper body workout cam x jalan sangat

maybe need to increase weight?

and i think i need extra dumbell too

one is not enough

why laa no gym around my house

i miss my ghetto gym

i need cable pull, ez bar, more free weight to make me satisfied

dah registered for 10k run

this gonna be my second 10k run

but i think its not as tough as malakoff 7k kat bukit kiara tuh

gilo punya route

aim to finished in 1:20, thats my PR

next year bleh try half marathon plak

and final year, kalau larat full marathon

tapi skarang x suka la lari

sebab outdoor

i never like running outdoor, no matter how nice it is

gimme back my treadmill

and please someone built a gym next to my house

2011-06-26T23:17:00.002+09:00

spend the whole weekend at home

movie marathon, reading books, and doing some strength training

thinking about my study

thinking bout my life

nice weather

overall, it is a good weekend

just the way i wanted it to be

my life is not perfect

but it is not bad either

i am constantly in and out of depression

when things goes bad, i become lifeless

because i cant do anything to change it

God determined everything

and all you can do is to work around it

toughen up

be strong

and accept

but it doesnt works that way

Grief doesnt work that way

2 years and 3 month has passed

yet, still it all fresh in my mind

i just cant let it go

or maybe I dont want to let it go

so yeah, life's a bitch

all we can do is embrace it

2011-06-22T20:01:00.002+09:00

you have gone

you left me

im beginning to grow tired of missing you

and thinking about you

and loving you

and missing you

if only you knew

how much misery i am

how much i feel like a garbage

since the day you gone

you will not left me

because i know you love me that much

and i know you will never left me

but it is all written, right

i am tired of thinking of you

loving you

missing you

and the emotion that i feel

sometimes it suffocates me

and sometimes it turns me into hating you

for being gone

for you get to be gone

and i am still here

not be able to do anything about it

because i am missing you

thinking of you

loving you

no matter how tired i am of myself

no matter how suffocated i become

i will always love you

until the day when i get to be gone

semoga tenanglah engkau di sana sayang

2011-06-21T23:37:00.004+09:00

rasa nak termuntah buat kerja

slide x siap lagi

xde mood laa

all i want to do is sleep and sleep

i need motivation

i dunno where's my heart now

nak kata kat malaysia jauh skali

tp nak kata here in japan pun tak gak

where is it?

maybe i am getting jaded

i need more rush in life

2011-06-20T15:22:00.003+09:00

pergh panas gila hari nih

dahlaaa kena buat heat treatment bagai

lagi laa double kepanasan

by the end of the day

aku rasa nak terjun kolam je if i saw one

nasib baik siap kerja arinih

mana taknya furnace problem plak

stress mak

dahlaa lama nak tunggu temp naik

tetiba pandai turun sendiri plak

kesian plak budak china tuh xleh buat

what to do?

tak sabarnya nak tunggu ios5 keluar

bleh wirelessly sync iphone and ipad

os lion pon cam menarik jek

tapi mahal laaaa weh

dua tiga hari nih moody semacam jek

rasa depressed jek

ntahlaaa, sometimes i just need to let go

took a walk outside usually helps

but not this time

too much emotion going on

cakap kat RJ

dia pon sedih gak

kalau tak, time depressed camnih mesti akan call dia ajak minum

walaupon dah abis topik nak gosip

we will continue sit there in silence

and somehow it makes life a bit better

2011-06-19T23:54:00.001+09:00

You believe everything you told yourself
And suddenly you realized
It is all lies

And the cycle starts again

Help me God
As for now i am persevere
But i know i am no longer can do this again and again

Sent from my iPhone

2011-06-16T09:22:00.004+09:00

nak beli meja belajar lah

actually kat rumah tuh dah ada meja dah

tapi dah jadi meja makan sbb ngam2 je saiz dia

rasa nak beli meja letak laptop suma

takdelaa rasa serabut and sakit bontot duduk atas lantai

my apartment is almost complete except for that meja study or katil

hahaha takpelaaa beli je

esok gaji

hehehehe

anyway

my sis is getting married this sat

ingatkan nak balik

tapi takpelah bagi duit je

sponsor mekap and hadiah hantaran jek

plus skang dah bleh skype guna iphone

so nanti dia nikah weols skype je laaa

---

on PhD

next month group meeting will be my turn to do the presentation

I have started on my draft

on my ipad Keynote nonetheless

while i am waiting for the sample machining to be completed

but oh my!

i suddenly become overwhelmed and started to lose focus on what to present

and the Japanese are very anal about the slide presentation

oh well i still have this weekend to hone on my presentation slide

because for sure sensei will asked for it next week

2011-06-15T14:53:00.002+09:00

I used to say that phd in Japan is easy
I am on my second month here
But already I know how to use wire edm machine
(which is off limit while I'm in Malaysia)
Not to say I have spend countless hours grinding and doing hand lap
And I even knew how to do vacuum annealing
All by myself

Come to think again
It is not easier
It is just different from what I thought phd would be
There are many book on phd undertaking
But mostly are from UK/Aussie/us
That mainly shaped what my thought on phd
Where I will stay in my cubicle for one year to finished my research proposal
Then I will present it to my sv for a nod
Then I will be in lab
Finally I will present it in form of thesis

It is not necessarily easier here
It is just different from what we know
And unknown sometimes scared us

I strive for this
And I am not complaining
In fact I am lucky and thankful that I am here
To say that i am happy to follow this path is understatement

And I hope this feeling will continue until the day that I finally realized my dream

2011-06-14T17:34:00.002+09:00

dari semalam tetiba rasa depressed semacam

terbawak2 sampai laa skarang

call muz dia kata ada org buat aku

selambaaa

aku cakaplaa kalau ada org nak buat pon

x sampai sbb jauh sgt plus tiket flight mahal

bencilaa feeling camnih

time camnih rasa nak carik je dr soh kasi ubat antidepressant

yelaaa when the time come

rasa kosong semacam jek

nak buat apa2 pon malas

i thought this is seasonal related

but its almost summer nowww

hmmmpppfffff

or maybe im just hypochondriac

2011-06-13T09:22:00.003+09:00

apsallaa shopping itu seronok

semalam pergi memborong dekat iias

nasib baik 10,000yen jek

kalau x mau lagi berbakul plastik aku bawak balik

beli baju dekat uniqlo

pergh semua dalam 500-790 yen (kira 5-7ringgit kita laa kalau x convert)

mau x over membeli

beli seluar lari, stokin lari

baju berapa helai ntah

total x sampai 10,000 (sbb aku bawak pon cukup2 je 12000 yen)

puas hati

shopping pasar malam pon tak best camnih

sampai2 office tgk ada benda nih atas meja

dari julian

sekali bukak dah kulat daaa

nih sah2 masa dia bagi tuh aku dah balik rumah

hehehe biasalaa kalau dah friday mmg tak nyempat2 nak chow awal

tak merasalaaa cili pedas nih

terpaksalaa pura2 cakap not bad kalau dia tanya nanti

2011-06-09T20:22:00.001+09:00

My new addiction

2011-06-08T13:21:00.003+09:00

Al-fatihah

tengok facebook tadi

tgh girlfren tak jadi H dah kawen

good for her

tetiba teringat H plak

terus laa meleret2 kesayuan teringat arwah hubby and arwah alin

ntahlaa

all of them have huge impact on my life

and in just one year i lost them all

but i have accepted the fate

Allah dah takdirkan kehidupan yang lebih baik

all we need to do is be strong and try to move on

---

on another note

feels accomplished today

pagi buat HPT 8 samples

then petang buat XRD

pasnih buat biocompatibility test and corrosion

tapi tuh baru satu parameter

kena ulang balik sebanyak 5 kali for different turn plak

nangissss

esok sensei belanja birthday lunch

ramai2 pegi satu group..

tp sapa birthday dapat free lunch :)

dahlaa sensei hensem arinih sbb pakai casual jek

eeeee comellaaaa sensei

mandatory maaa...for energy saving..so no need for ties

kuli2 memang pakai tshirt manjang

tapi bila bos pakai tshirt to work

makin nampak muda sensei yg mmg sedia awet muda tuh

2011-06-07T23:38:00.000+09:00

Got my iPad2 last Saturday
And I am hooked
Awal2 tuh x impressed sgt sbb rasa cam iPhone yg besar jek
Now dah start using it for heavy stuff
Barula rasa berbaloi spend almost ¥60,000 for this thing

Serious sgt best
Most cool apps are paid, tp setakat 3-4 rm jek

For research I am depending heavily on Papers (this is most expensive apps I paid)
Then good reader, penultimate, moleskine, ps express, and idea sketch

Social apps pon berguna gak for twittering and fb-ing, plus to do my leisure reading

Nasib bail sabar and x beli iPad masa kat malaysia hehehe

Sent from my iPad

2011-06-06T19:48:00.001+09:00

My new running shoes
The old one has decided to die on me
Just when im about to ditch her for a new one

I started to run outdoor now
And my trusty 'ol shoes has clocked 327km (even more!)
thus it is about time for me to get a new one

I started to run seriously about one year ago
Now i am no longer dreading running

Yeah like the mantra i keep playing in my head
I run because i can!

2011-06-03T17:20:00.002+09:00

just got back from seminar

ngantuklaaa weyy

sapa laaa buat seminar kol 330 nih

anyway

i am impressed with knowledge sharing system in Japan

esp in NIMS

every week our group will help group meeting

and will discuss anything related to our group research theme

and everyone esp the invited speaker is so open to collaboration and discussion

comparing this back to UMP

where everyone is so secretive about their research

and there is even a case where one will hold info about in house training from others

it is so disappointing

because what's the point of having good knowledge

if you are unwilling to share them

and if you are like me

who like to discuss openly

you will be labeled as show-off or know-it-all

when all your intention is just to disseminate the info

i believe in becoming highly civilized people

you NEED to share

itu ilmu

as our prophet said it:

Tidak wajarlah bagi orang yang bodoh berdiam diri atas kebodohannya. Dan tidak wajarlah bagi yang berilmu berdiam diri atas ilmunya

To listen to the words of the learned, and to instill into others the lessons of science, is better than religious exercises

2011-06-02T19:38:00.001+09:00

Online shopping is addictive!!
Lebih2 lagi kat jepun nih bleh c.o.d jek
Beli ipad pon cod hahha

Arrived today is organic cotton pad
Apparently my bontot allergic dekat pad jepun nih
Keluar rashes and jd pedih
Usually kat malaysia i just wear kotex yg cotton punya
Sbb biasa jenis plastic/gel tuh byk chemical and can causes allergic to me
Mmg x pakai laa brand lain except kotex biru tuh and libresse sbb cotton

So punya lah carik pad cotton
Last2 beli cp jek online
I hope its good
Masa kat malaysia guna yg jenis flannel tuh
X best sgt sbb bila basah x selesa

Harap2 all cotton nih ok
Plus this eshop got lot of review
Pasnih jimatlaa duit xyah beli pad lg dah

2011-06-02T16:02:00.003+09:00

blogged from new pc

huahuahua

23 in LED monitor lagik

spec pon jangan main2

ko nak main game sampai pengsan pon bleh

takyahlaa angkut macbook lagik gi opis camnih

ringan beg aku

hahahaa

tapi pakai windows T_T

bagilaa mac lain kali sensei

minggu depan plak ada birthday lunch for me

sabtu nih ipad2 sampai lalalala

isnin plak dapat internet (hopefully)

so not a bad week at all

2011-05-31T15:08:00.003+09:00

Sensei dah approve research plan

so can continue with works

rasa cam mimpi plak

cepat btol dah start buat lab

arinih buat kerja thinning sample jek

finally dah dapat 5 sampel Ti-50Ni

and 1 sample Ti-50.9 sampel

patut bleh dpt banyak lagi

tp dah terinjured masa tanggal sample dr stage

too sleepy i guess

malangnya HPT anvil rosak

so kena tunggu dulu

after buat HPT bleh buat cytotoxicity test plak kat namiki

fuhhhh hope everything went well as planned

2011-05-30T16:25:00.003+09:00

satu je sampel dapat arinih
hampeh tol

lain kali aku nak grind sampai 0.88mm
baru jimat masa aku buat handlap

masalahnyaaa

kang terover nipis plakk

nasib lam lab ada si meng tuh

borak2 ngan dia

cita pengalaman interview nims

ada cita best

rupa2nya dia mmg dah tau aku dapat after interview tuh

sbb ada prof cakap kat dia

suma yg gi interview english hampeh

kecuali sorang budak pompuan malaysia

aku laa tuh

hahaha

dah agak pon

sbb kalau tgk budak2 china tuh

mmg english fail

kira si meng tuh laa paling terer english aku rasa

sbb boleh borak2

ngan lain tuh bleh sengeh2 jek laaa

dah hantar research plan kat sensei

terus dia cakap

we need to talk about this

uuuuu takut

sensei aku nih hensem baik

tp dia cam ada aura kasi aku respect kat dia

ntahlaaa sbb terasa kot ketereran dia tuh

cam bleh detect plak kalau aku tgh malas2 ke

kena rajin lagi nih