Went to namiki lab today, twice!

I was there to do my analysis
And just as soon as i removed my jackets, the whole building went blackout!
Kecohlaa sekejap
There were only two of us in the office, and i was afraid that i couldnt get out from the room because of the electric lock

And of course i cant use the analysis software
So im thinking
What the heck, balik opis balik laa
The foundry people promised me that they will call me when the electricity is back

Sampai2 je opis terus diorang call cakap dah ok
But sbb aku baru sampai, terus laa cakap
Oh i will come after lunch
Sekali bila sampai
Bleh plak tgh maintenance
Sbb software corrupt and kene reinstall
-____-

Bila kat office plak asyik jumpa sensei
Lama plak dia bincang ngan minah cina tuh
Tetiba musykil
Apsal i xde kena panggil
Usually he always round us up together to talk bout the progress
But not today

Yg india sebelah aku plak
Asik cakap oh tadi ur boss datang
Carik2 sensei, dia cakap oh dia ada singgah
Tapi xde papa kot saja tanya khabar

Anyway the only consolation that i have is
I managed to give my samples for SEM
Hehehe
X sia2 sensei bayar yuran facility ¥50,000
Takyah queue lama2
---

I need to be more productive
Downloaded several new program to help me organized myself
And i kinda like it
With papers 2 now available in Windows
I can kiss Mendeley goodbye now

I need to start be productive
I am so busy with labworks
Nak makan pon tak tentu because of the experiment configuration

For a starter, i deleted fb apps from phone and ipad
And block the fb from my pc
Tempted to delete my fb
But i need it for some discussion on random group that i join regarding my works
Which is the main reason im using fb now
Plus, with the gigapedia down
I only have this fb group to help me with the resources

Anyway, i need to be more productive
Im slacking now...i need to start writing asap
And hopefully analyzed my data along the way

Im on my 11th month phd now
Who knew time flies so fast
Cuak pun ada
Sempat ke nak siap in two year nih

----

Dua tiga hari nih banyak tol gempa kuat
Sampai termimpi2 mcm real
J pon cakap dia dah xleh tidur
Sbb dia dah experienced last year nye gempa
So fobia sket

Si A plak keep giving me info on the awakening of Fuji-san
Kelakar plak
Siap cakap, if the Fuji erupted, we can watch it together from my balcony


---

My jaw kinda hurts
I think i started to develop some habit of clenching my teeth
Something like bruxism
But i didnt grind my teeth
Just clenching it unconciously
To the point that i feel my jaws hurt
And my mouth uncomfortable

Bila google, katanya sbb stress
Neurological related
And no drug can help it
Baru je ingat nak suruh adik hantar muscle relaxer
Harap2 benda nih temporary
Nak kata stress, biasa2 jek
Xdelaa over sangat pun

Haih mcm2 penyakit


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Banyak citer pasal phd life jek
Semalam antar sample utk xps
Skali xps gun rosak plak
So xleh buat etching utk depth profile
So end up buat surface profile for the whole samples
Sbb h-san xde esoknya so dia suruh letak suma sample dalam mesin satu hari
35 hrs of machine time!!!
Wahwahwahhhh
Rezeki sangat kan

Tp sedih H-san bgtau bulan 4 ni dia takde
Dia dah pindah kerja masuk univ kot
Baik sangat pakcik nih
Berusaha sangat kalau nak explain walaupun dia x berapa nak speaking
Kena carik hadiah la nanti utk dia

Tp td sayang tol ada 4 samples hilang entah ke mana
Sabar je laaa
Ntah2 dah terbuang lam tong sampah masa kemas2

Isnin camnih laa
Xde pencapaian
Cuma jumpa sensei y sbb dia nak ajar camne nak guna filtration utk sterilized protein
Yeah, my works is getting heavier on the biological stuff

Rehearsal for conference plak diawalkan
Tapi data xde lagik camne
Huhuhu risau gak nih
Nak present apanyaa

Stail sensei mmg before gi conference dia akan suruh rehearse depan grup
Dah lama x present nih, rasanya last present masa utk evaluate yearly performance
Pastuh hanyut

Harap2 sempat dapat data
Tadi buat planning, rasanya bleh siap kot
Tadi dah buat inmersion utk last testing
Esok boleh dapat result
Kalau ok next week proceed lah gamaknya

---

Happy for a friend that got shortlisted for scholarship
Semoga Allah permudahkanlah perjalanan PhDnya

---

I enjoy people watching
Semangat anthropology sangat kuat kol lam badan nih
Bila dengar2 cerita org, mesti cepat je nak analisa apsal org behave mcm tuh
Sebab tuh senang cerita bersangka baik je pada manusia
Ada laa tak betul dalam hidup dia tuh

---

I have totally become an adult these days.
A responsible one.
Im paying for all my softwares, no longer snitching from the internet
I spend less time feeling the anger or hatred
I easily identified childish self absorbed people and told myself "maafkan je laa, they are still young"
I think before i buy and trying very hard to surpressed the shopoholic inside me ( no matter how shiny is that iMac or how gorgeous that red Jackie O)
I even stop playing that Temple run

Yeah
A total adult
Or maybe im just jaded





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Petang tadi sensei bawak gi workshop nak tgk sample aku dah siap casting, tinggal nak hot rolled ngan swagged jek.
Patutnya gi ngan dia jek tapi tetiba dia ajak semua org pegi
Termasuklaaa postdoc dua org tuh

Best gak tgk
My material was heated to 2000 degree
Before put into the machine
Kagum k kemachoan abg2 factory tuh



Bila dah tgk material aku berjaya kena buat
Tetiba rasa kecut perut plak
The guys keep asking me question
Whats constituents?
Whats phase?
Whats this?
Whats that?
Aku study pun belum pasal material ni k
Camno nak jawab

Terus rasa takut tetiba
Sebab kalau ikut plan aku
Im supposed to do this 4 months later
Tetiba dah dpt material awal

Rasa pressure plak

Pressure dari diri sendiri bak kata muz
Sbb x sabar nak tau hasil
Ngan nak tau results
Gila gopoh aa aku
But i am impulsive like that
Pastuh cuak sorang2

God, gimme strength!

----

Malam td bebudak ni antar gambar silver kat aku
Sbbnya Kerr yg tolong jaga silver tuh dpt scholar pegi Korea buat master ttg nuclear
Impressive gak, sbb nak pegi tuh kena dapat approval govt semua tuh
I bet one day she will become the expert in this field
So alisa ngan dira gi rumah dia nak tgk dia packing
Sambil kacau2 Silver

Aaa rindunya Silver
Nak kasi dia tidur kat tangan
And peluk2 lam selimut
Silver is my savior, as I always said
Keeping my sanity intact when i was at my lowest
Maybe to others she is just a cat
But never to me

Kalau tgh nangis2 mesti Silver datang letak tangan kat muka
And kalau aku tetiba stress dia akan tgk je dari jauh, tunggu aku call dia
And many nights she will find her way to curl up next to me

And made me believed that i am loved.

She is indeed my savior

Nih gamba baru Silver









Nih plak gambar lama









And tell me
How cant one not love the loving, understanding, beautiful her?

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Semalam sibuk deconvulated peak jek

nasib baik cantik semua

lega sket

dah laa buat depth profile sampai 40 level

nasib baik just kena analyzed 10 level pertama jek

itu pun rasa nak pengsan tgk monitor sampai kol 7 malam

Harini sensei takde

sebab meeting dua tiga hari

hahaha time ada data nih berkobar2 je nak tunjuk

cuba kalau time tgh sangap, orang lalu luar pintu pun cuak sebab takut kena terjah

nak takut apa pon taktau

padahal sensei baik jek

tuh namanya takut pada bayang2 sendiri yang pemalas

tadi dah buat sterilization

esok nak keluarkan

and verify data guna software lain plak

mesin HPT plak rosak

baguslaa

sebab sample pon x abis prepare lagik

kalau sensei tanya

mesti aku terer je jawab

Muz kata aku terer menipu

hahahaha aku pun rasa aku terer menipu

maksud aku, i can easily think a white lie to get my way out

contoh kalau aku tak tipu, sah2 laa dia takleh nak naik flite balik arituh

tapi..tapi

sensei tau aku suka bluffing

waaahhhh so kena sentiasa prepared with the truth

not lie

--- 

arinih rasa cam tak best sket

ntahlaa

aku nih dok fikir masalah orang lain jek

i shouldve stayed out of it

but tak sampai hati

sebab kalau dah rasa kasih kat orang

kita nak tgk orang bahagia

walaupun maybe once upon a time

org tu xde rasa macam tuh kat kita

anyway,

aku sedih kalau xleh tolong

serius, sampai terfikir2 hingga ke tidur

macam semalam laaa

i know it is not my problem

tapi apsal aku kena fikir plak

but i just cant help myself

nak jugak terlibat

Y pon cakap, biar dia setel sendiri

jgn kita plak kasi hitam putih pasal hidup orang lain

sebab takut nanti in the future

kita plak dipersalahkan

maybe i love her so much

that I have this feeling to take care of her under my wings

I would if I could

but maybe for this time

I just stay out of it

---

meeting ngan sensei pagi semalam
Nasib laa dah setel kerja last week
Xde laa rasa bersalah xde result nak tunjuk

Sebenarnya aku pun blur nak buat xps tuh
Nak deconvulated peak tuh laa paling hampeh
Dahlaaa tetiba muncul peak yg x kenal
Nyampah tol

Tapi sebenarnya happy gak sbb ada difference
Yang obvious
Tinggal nak betul2 analyzed je lagik

Pastuh result bio
Sensei T mmg xtau
So just kena explain balik

Aku tau experiment aku berjaya
Cuma kena buat lagik and tgk balik camne
Confirm

Budak china tuh pon dah cakap
U can write a very good paper after this
Because your result is so nice

Masalahnya i dun have the drive yet
Ntah laaa
Sbb pening selagi result x dapat full
Selagi tu xleh nak proceed writing

---

I know im good
But i have been such an average person now
Ntahlaaa, rasa demotivated maybe
Sekarang nih aku rasa letih ulang alik antara dua lab
I dont have colleagues or supervisor problems
Tapi masalah diri sendiri laa kot

Nak bangun tidur pun malas
Tadi masa jumpa sensei budak pompuan china tuh cerita dia kena ambik antidepressant
Sbb xleh tidur
Tapi dia baru lepas kena langgar kereta

I dont think i am depressed
But im gaining weight now
And malas nak jumpa orang
In fact, nak gi lab pon aku malas skang
Maybe this is just a phase

Thanks God i am in Japan
Sbb aku rasa kalau aku kat tempat lain
Mmg higher chance aku tak turun lab

---

Bila muz datang aku rasa lega gila
Hilang stress aku
Sbb lama gila kot aku x jumpa manusia
Sampai cakap melayu pon tershashul2
Ye laa before nih asik whatsapp/skype jek ngan diorang nih
Bila nak bercakap face to face jadi pelik

Si muz plak asik nak gelakkan aku
"Dayang, ko cakap salah tau"
Siot tol

Si Nuar plak rajin layan tengok movie ngan aku kol 1-2 pagi
Tgk cerita hantu yg aku peram berbulan dalam macbook

Baguslaa diorang nih
Xde demand apa2
Time aku penat gila balik lab
Diorang masak2 kat dapur and suruh aku tidur
Bangun2 jek makanan dah siap

Yeah, i know
I am not a good hostess
Lantaklaa

Tapi aku rasa happy
Walaupun aku xleh nak spend masa sangat ngan diorang
Tapi managed jejak kaki kat Disneysea ngan Mt. Naeba ngan diorang
More places to cross from my Japan destination
At least my stress relieved
And they are happy with the experience

---

One paper from U*P dah masuk journal
Lega
Kira dah last dah hutang aku nih
Xyah nak fikir pasal RDU aku tuh
Ye laaa...even i am almost one year in my PhD
Benda tuh still haunting me
Nak harapkan member lain...hmmmm malas nak cakap
Masa mula2 jek semangat
Pastuh lepas tangan semua
Nasib ada RJ nak tolong setel some stuff

Tapi nih bukti
That i am capable of doing
Maybe not the best sebab tak bagi full attention
Tapi still
I have the results to show them

Now the distraction is out
I need to focus entirely on my own works





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Highlight of the trip with muz ngan nuar




Now am back to normal life.

Rindu dah kat dua org nih




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punya laa macam2 planning 

sekali byk nak kena kansel plak

sbb nya ada tetiba ada group lunch laa

nak kena bancuh reagent baru laa

tapi terharu jek bila diorang cakap

PhD ko lebih penting

hahahaha

nasib sempat ponteng lab masa Valentine

pastuh gi Disneysea

dah nasib baik, Disneysea tutup kol 10 khas untuk malam tuh

byklaa benda kelakar jadi

siap jadi kawan ngan budak2 hawaii sbb diorang nak main ride tapi line dah tutup

so diorang mintak tolong kitorang ngaku diorang kawan

untunglaa sekor2 comel nak mampus 

punyalaa gigih ukur Disneysea tuh

sampai kitorang jadi antara paling last keluar dari parking

pastuh dah tak leh ponteng sbb tetiba banyak benda nak setel

especially renewal kontrak jadi researcher tuh

sensei Y plak mintak prepare reagents for freezebox

terpaksalaa hantar dua orang tuh gi Tokyo berdua

nasib baik survive

arinih diorang konpiden gi hakone sendiri2

bangga plak k

honestly rasa happy sangat diorang ni datang

rasa terkilan gak sbb takleh nak ikut diorang sangat

malam2 lepas diorang balik jalan and aku balik dari lab

sambung shopping laa

gi main masak2 laa

tgk movie Paranormal Activities tuh lengkap semua trilogy

pastuh borak sambil kol 2-3 pagi

esoknya aku gi lab diorang gi keluar ntah kemana2

nasib baik esok dah Sabtu

tak sabar nak gi main ski

plan nak Hakuba tak jadi so proceed to Mt. Naeba

malam nih nak sambung bawak diorang shopping lagik